LOVE HEALS...

A conversation with my mother put me in a trance. I have always felt, believed, seen and experienced, that love heals. But I don’t know why, it still got me thinking, and wondering, and reliving, all over again, that love heals.

It all began with a talk about the Aarushi murder case. Even though the matter is sub judice, and not that the investigation in the case inspires much confidence, and hence the doubts, about her parents being involved. The fact that the parents were home, the servant and the child murdered, and another chap dead on the roof, don’t really remove the parents from the eye of suspicion. Some suspect that it was honour killing. And even if the girl and the servant had something going on, how could one kill the child??? She was a child! All of 14 years! Children do go astray sometimes. There is always a second chance that should be granted. And I agree with my mother on that.

 From there my thoughts moved on to how some kids at Snehalya have been victims. And life, gave them a second chance. Some of them have been abused, some raped, some had almost died, some suicidal, some juvenile criminals, some beggars, some abandoned, some kidnapped, some whose parents have been murdered; and all, who have strange, but scary real life stories for a baggage. They have every right to be angry with God, for they don’t have a life like we do. They have every right to be disturbed, to be mad, to hate and scorn and run away, from everything and everyone. They have every right to distrust life.

But they don’t. Because love did, and is, healing them. I know of some children, personally so. I have seen them change and respond to love. From bitter, complex, confused individuals, I have seen them transform into lovely flowers. I have seen these miracles before my eyes.

Of the many, Manni (name changed) comes to my mind. She came to the Children’s home, in sec 47, as a victim. She was abused by a lawyer, at whose home she worked. She was then raped by her neighbour. She was in the process of committing suicide by hanging herself, when the police barged in. She has a dipsomaniac for a father, 3 younger siblings, and a mother who died in child birth. On the Governor’s insistence, she was sent here at the kids home, with her siblings. Her doctor (psychiatrist) from PGI, came to visit the home first, laid down clear instructions to hide all the stuff with which she could kill herself – duppatas, knifes, blades etc.

Sister Annie gave his instructions two hoots, bid him farewell, and welcomed Maani, for she was sure, that love could and would heal her. Maani was no less, she had decided to give everyone at the home a tough time, she would faint at the drop of a hat, cry, make a mess, approach the boys and make a swollen face and sit down. But Sister was adamant. With lots of work and lots of love, we slowly saw the transformation take place. Her heart melted and she embraced all the love with open arms. Slowly she began to gather her wits. Helping in household chores was not difficult for her, she had done that all her life. But studying was. She learnt to focus her attention on learning to read and write. There were occasional mishaps, but Sister and she, both overcame them.

Today, Maani is appearing for class 10^th boards through open school. She is a normal child, who plays with other children, loves dressing up, laughs- baring all her teeth, and is learning vocational skills too. Love heals.

In the course of my thoughts, I was also reminded of some of my boys from the Juvenile home. They are grown up boys, who have had a tough childhood. But in their JJ Home, there came a lady visiting them, who insisted they call her ‘mummy’.  How lovingly they refer to her, expecting her to solve all their problems.

Like the girls look up to me, bombarding me with their troubles, expecting me to give them a solution to each one of them. Its funny though, when they mimic me, giving them advice on how not, and how to be! Love heals.

The little babies who cling to me, and any one else who visits them, for an embrace, a loving care, a hand, cupping their face, telling them they are beautiful, telling them they are the best. Then, I know for a fact, that love heals. The young boy who comes running, hugs me tight and shouts, “Riti didi aagaye, riti didi aagaye!”, the others who fight, what took me so long. I know for fact, love heals.

Am transported to the time, when Jesse Bhaiya and me would walk up to the kids every evening, meet them half way through in the park, and all of them would leave their play, gather around us, guide us to their home, for another round of play there – dog and the bone. Soon it would be dark. Sisters would scold us all, and we’l all sit inside. The kids studying and we, teaching and beating some. Prayers would follow. Then dinner. And then, bye bye. Love heals. It healed us all.

Now I see those same lil kids, grown up, more mature, some in adolescence, some beyond. Rahul, another one of my boys, would always be angry with me, for reasons, I could never see. Now, when I remind him of the fact, he stands with tear filled eyes, telling me, that he only wishes, that he was not. I smile, reassuring him that he’s special to me, will always be. He seems to understand, for now he is willing to see. Love heals. Him and me.

The credit, whole heartedly, go to those, who opened their hearts, in adversity, and let love overtake them; who chose to forgive, and be forgiven; who took the risk, of not remaining bitter; of letting life happen to them; letting love, heal them. Love heals, I believe.

        

COCO

Company Commander- ‘loving’ called, COCO in OTA verbiage. Much of it of course, rubbed on me, and like my OTA pals, I too, found a COCO here. The present one there lives up to the definition of a martinet. And of course, so does mine.

A professor here at the univ, at whose wrong side I almost always ended being, is our future Drs. COCO. He DECIDED to make our life hell, and in college lingo, ragged us, while in OTA lingo, gave us the raggada.  So much so, that the bright stars of tomorrow had this idea (of course generated by a lady Dr!) that we all make a line, march up to his office, with loud LEFT RIGHT LEFT music, and salute him with a strong, noisy, PARADE THUMP! But alas! The idea did not live to see its materialisation, being voted out hands down!

COCO hated me. Everytime he would look at me, he would wonder why am I in the class, almost loudly. He proclaimed in front of my fellow mates, that I wouldn’t be able to finish my PhD. Seemed to me almost in a threatening tone, that he wouldn’t let me.  And even if I do, by any chance, that is, it would be a work worth nothing, copy paste from someone elses thesis, no original work, all bloody nonsense!

The fact that I would like to work in the field of human rights, too, almost angered him. His instant reaction was – “human right! Hmm.. very fashionable huh!” He tried his best to bestow upon me, sense, or maybe the lack of it, that it would entail a lot of sacrifices. Human rights seem like a far call for a person like me. This, in the 3 or the 4^th class! So, he was angry, and so was I. But, as Iv learnt to take life with a pinch of salt, I kept quite. I let him have his say. For I was to, and will, prove him wrong by my actions. Reminded I am of the saying : a man has his will, a woman, her way.

Of late, COCO has begun to thaw. There is no one as punctual as me in the class – with time and work. He realised, that given an opportunity, I was willing to work hard. Quality work, is something, he will not compliment me with, just yet, but I know he’l get there. The last class was strangely even nice, with COCO laughing and smiling, though with his occasional sense of hurt pride!

But in the last class, he taught us all a very important lesson. About field insights. How we work on our hypothesis, in seclusion, unaware of the field realities. And when we have to test the same, insights in the field experience, may just tell us something else, requiring then, a revision of the hypothesis. He explained this with a very simple and genuine example- Suchreet.

Initially, he said, there may have been notions that people would have about her. They may dislike her for various reasons, which in reality are nothing but perceptions of the mind. Stereotypes, experiences, thoughts and wrong information, may lead to aversion. But if on experience of her behaviour, listening to her intentions, her motives, seeing her work, communicating etc u may want to soften on your perceptions, and hence, reject and revise your hypothesis about Suchreet.

Nice example! Relevant rather!

Same with any med. Cancer lets say. In labs,a ll the required knowledge is put into making the med. But  its never launched commercially just then. Its tested. On animals, and then humans and then, if it succeeds, its put into the market.

But social sciences, dealing with humans, are more complex than the ‘scientific’ science. For humans can keep a lot to themselves. Divulging less, thinking more.

But actually thats true, perceptions and stereotypes complicate matters. They really help to put a curtain before your eyes. As they did with COCO.

Iv heard, he instantly has a dislike for women students, for he thinks they will marry in the course of their PhD and do no work worthwhile. Exceptions being those whose husbands have contacts! Am sure, thats what he thought about me. Even though I haven’t had the chance to air my views about marriage to him, I think he pretty much understands by now, that am a slogger, Il work!

So much for COCO. All said and done, everyone has perceptions, tested or not, that’s subjective, depending upon your goal..of the research!

   

Philosophy..

Reading about the ol guys, who created Philosophy!

Just feel astound and great respect for their intellect. They had a thought for everything, from social life, morals, research methodologies, psychology, international relations, political science, government, jusriprudence (read law), and even the universe. and maybe there are a lot of things am missing..

unfortunately, its COCO who teaches us! and there shall be a post on COCO, much due, much required!

love this one by Hume : the idea of man is "nothing but a bundle or collection of perceptions which succeed each other with inconceivable rapidity"

I Don"t Know

 A blank mind,

With bouts of rewind,

How can one define,

The plans of the Divine?

With moving trees,

With passing breeze,

Time, just seems to freeze,

As if its a mere tease.

I don’t know, how I feel,

I don’t know, whats the deal,

I don’t know, if there is something

Left to heal,

I don’t even know if its all for real.

With surprise I was caught,

I had never thought,

All gone and lost,

What is there thats now being sought?

Reminds me of a quote by someone : “ My life has a superb cast, I just don’t know the plot!”

St. Valentine- call it a day!

Valentine’s Day, came to an end,

The day- like a clichéd prayer of a reverend.

A day when the lovers should rather part

Live it differently, for a start.

Without a date, a solitary affair,

Not that I minded, even a moment fair.

Love my pals for all their care,

About my boyfriend, is all they are waiting to hear!

Strangely, I was made aware,

Way back in grade 6^th,

About Valentine’s I knew enough,

To give some guys, a time little tough!

Memory I tell you some people have,

To remember such things through such a time gap!

This revelation, though, came with a wrap,

Guys going HUNTING for girls to date,(!!!)

To a feminist, that English expression,

Sounds like a bizarre rap!

(I mean come on! ‘HUNTING’ for girls for a date!!!)

But the most interesting conversation,

Took place just over the gate,

Laughing crazy over  Valentine’s ,

‘escapades’.

(one of my friends believes in Hunting for girls,

And the other wants to get some off his ‘arm’!)

Even though, no fine dine, with someone,

Not made to feel special, with frills done,

No flowers, no presents great,

Still, with a happy smile,

I ended the day!

:) happy Valentines to the ones who believe!

To Singlehood!

single hood makes itself pronouncedly felt

on days that others have their hands held.

that by no way means

that unhappy are the singles,

and are waiting and willing to mingle.(not necessarily so)

it rather shall be inferred ,

that the so called lonesome souls,

shall have a day dedicated to them,

to celebrate their undying strength.

This is for my gang (and i just realised so many of us are single!) and for the women.. like bhav says, lets celebrate our calibre for staying single, and (successfully !) keeping the men at bay!

Tomorrow guys, is our day! :) 

when fat was thin, and thin was not fat! .. too much math!

There were days wen i was thin,
and i still thought I was fat!

and now that am not thin anymore,
I remember how less was that fat!!! :(

and I dont know why, but it seems like a venn diagram problem, rather than my very own! 

PhD

P-atience     .. till it turns you into a Patient. (current stage)
h- ardwork  .. till it leaves u hardly of any worth.
D-epression .. full on and with full zeal!


- and its only just begun!!!!!  


And as a passing thought, about one and some more of my classmates here (and some more!):

The world, unfortunately,
is full of scheming people,
propping up hurdles,
at each step of the way,
rejoicing in your fall,
quietly, smiling tall.

So a vow I take,
To see the ordeal through,
to pick up the threads
and begin anew.
To stand tall, after every fall,
To not be weak,
And plant a tight slap
on that a******* cheek!

Phew!