October 31, 2010

a nEW bORN mOTHER!

A new born mother- thats how i feel like these days. Perpetual back ache, always on my toes, lack of sleep, dirty clothes to wash everyday, cooking and a demanding baby to look after and nurse to health!
My Mischief fell terribly ill. Her hind legs just stopped working and within a matter of 5 days, she went from limping to completely immobile. We consulted many a doctors here and did the wise thing of taking her to Ludhiana. She only ended up puzzling all the docs and surgeons there. All her internal organs are working properly, X rays and ultra sounds reveal nothing majorly wrong, except stones in her urinary bladder and an infection in her uterus. But this, the docs say, should in no way result into this condition. Her responses were good and so paralysis too was ruled out. They suspected a muscular disorder and prescribed medicines for a week.
We came back hopeful, but she only deteriorated by the day. The mildly walking Mischief soon became completely bed ridden!  And this, when Mischief hates to walk, but LOVES to run! That one week; there was horror, sadness, grief and complete disbelief regarding what was happening. We seemed to be losing her by the day, the reality of which was the most difficult to accept. She is only 6! Some suggested its a nerve related problem, others said that probably a tumour or clot in the brain is causing all this. A happy, playing running child just slipping out of your hands. It hasn’t even been 5 months since Joy left us, and now Mischief? I even had the bizarre thought that maybe its all Joy’s idea!
In a last attempt to save her, we made another trip to Ludhiana, agriculture university, the animal section. It is believed to be the best in North India. The doctors were more perplexed this time to see her in a worse condition. The whole morning went in carrying out the tests and all. But the docs were awfully nice to carry out detailed discussions with each other and then, clearly did explain to us what their strategy was. They accepted that its a hit and trial thing they are doing, hoping that the treatment works cz nothing apparently is still wrong with her. No way to find out about the brain though. So, again, we started back for home, praying that this time, the meds work!
The diet charted out on the way, the medicines bought in spite of the tiredness, and a resolve, with fervent prayers, that Mischief is going to get well this time!
Cooking for my lil angel was taken over by me, my bed spread next to her, baskets emptied to house her medicines and prepared we were, for our journey to health. Slowly and steadily, my girl recovered. Still is recovering. She is now back on her feet and can walk a lil. She wobbles and is very weak, but thats better than being tied to the bed, helpless. She no more has to be picked up, or administered medicine of urine. She just needs help to get up now. but am sure, with the kindness that God has bestowed upon her, she is going to be up, about and kicking soon! Touchwood! 
Picking her up and supporting her to walk, gave my back a tough time. And since, madam wants an attendant awake thru the night, my sleep cycle has gone for a six! I try to catch sleep whenever the lady is asleep. And oh! She has forced me to get into the kitchen too! I have to cook for this devil, and then ‘make her’ eat food, cz she is too pampered to eat on her own! One of those reluctant eaters, with whom, the only option is to be a persistent feeder!
But seeing her recover each day, celebrating her recovering health; the back aches, sleep deprivation and all, doesn’t seem to matter. The joy of having her back with us, is just too great!  And this newly born mother, likes it that way! :) 

October 17, 2010

Joy, Kids and Wishes..

Tired, half dead, with an aching head and legs, a broken back and a demanding dog- is what life is after almost 12 hours of being away and on the move.
Thoughts in my head- lots. Probably thats why its hurting.
I miss my Joy. I miss his laughter and songs. Basically, I just terribly miss his company. I just pray and hope that he is happy and  comfortable wherever he is. He is around, watching over us. And I just know that.
Met my kids today. Came back, of course, with mixed thoughts, some happiness, some wonder. Everytime  I visit them, they have grown taller and thinner. They are usually emotionally charged, either on seeing me or when I am about to leave. There are new people I find, and each time I wonder, how can children become a burden on their parents, that some choose to leave them here and never return.
The ones I know since long, their future troubles me. How will they earn their living, what do I do to get them equipped for a job, so on and so forth. They all miss the old days and insist that I do something  to help them  re-live those days. How do I explain to them that I am a very ordinary girl. No super human I am. but they are kids you know, how can one not forgive their unwarranted beliefs?

Came back home and called up Sameer- One of my boys who left this place and went to his home town- somewhere in Jharkhand. He was surprised to the core to find me at the other end of the call. But happy. He is not working but studying in class 9, which was a relief. He promised me time and time again that he’l stand first in his class, and make me really proud. After all, he said, am your brother! His younger brother, Odil, also went away with him. He was studying in St. Xaviers here. Now he is there, going to be promoted to class 5, since he already knows everything of his class 3 and more. I love my babies.

I wish, one day, I attend their convocations. Proudly stand alone to give them a standing ovation. I wish, am there, at their important moments of life, share their happiness and successes. I wish, I can manage to get them jobs, see them settled and send their children to schools. I wish, some, atleast some of my kids, make it really big in life and be an inspiration to a lot people. I wish, I had a home, where Sisters and my kids lived.

Never thought, that one day, life would bring such distances in between. Sisters, kids, everyone would move away. Only a cellphone would connect us. But seriously, thank God for that! I miss having my kids around, like they miss their home and the park! they want me to get them to sec 47 this Diwali and celebrate like the old times! What fun that really was! The girls and me would light up candles, with the little boys helping us. And then, the Bhaiyas will ‘help’ all the kids ‘crack their crackers!’  sister and me would be the jury for all the ensuing fights over whose crackers were used by whom, and of course, also be the medical unit for slight burns!
The home, that once was.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
The headache I had, has vanished. The tiredness and the pain in my back - intensified. I wish, and please wish, my kids the best that there ever can be. May all the happiness be theirs- always! I wish, everyone could love them, more, than they can be loved in a lifetime!

October 14, 2010

Some things..

Some things in life never change
Like the beauty of a flower or
The length of an hour,
Be it the innocence of a child,
Or the warmth of sunshine,
Like a priceless smile,
Or love, undefined.

Some things, just never change
Be it a thoughtful gesture,
Or carefree nature,
Like those unspoken words,
Even  looks, in a herd,
Be it a retrospective grin,
Or remembrance of an amazing thing!

Some things, like the touch of a familiar hand,
Or be it the dryness of sand,
The brightness of a flame,
Or wildness untamed,
Like the serenity of a calm ocean,
Or swiftness of a motion.

Some things in life just never change,
Some things, like the dust of memories,
Or excitement of ceremonies,
Be it the golden ray of hope,
Or countless promises untold,
Like an introspective peep,
Or an unforgettable dream.

Some things just never change,
Be it the morning dew,
Or dusk’s changing hues,
Like the chirping of birds,
Or miracles unheard,
Be it the twinkle in sparkling eye,
Or motherly advice.

Some things like the anxiety of wait,
Or the unknown fate,
Be it myriad emotions,
Or utter commotion,
Like the vagueness of haze,
Or wrinkles of old age.

Some things in life just never change,
But all cannot even remain the same.
Its the reality called life,
An intricate web of happiness, gloom and strife,
So live it well while you are alive,
Don’t be dead before you die!

October 7, 2010

The Colors of an Indian Life


The divine pinks of faith and belief,
The strength of yellow
Apparent in every crease.
The earthy browns- our colour core,
The whites read,
 Either politicians or woes.

Young feel the waves of purple
The old content in wavering pastels.
Oranges and creams
Make a sensible mix,
And  multicoloured we act in a fix!


Vibrant estatic  Enthusiastic and strong,
A mix of hues with confident contrasts,
A hint of blues, with shades of green
The often found red, alarmingly beam.
The Indian life, like smoke it spreads
Assimilated in the fabric of our existence
In its every thread.
The colours of an Indian life..
Intriguing experiences ,it ignites!