and Jammu finally happened!

Ah ha! My tummy feels like WOW! Light and recovered due to loads of talking and sharing that had remained within me all this while! Just made a short trip to jammu to visit Ritu, who is back home for 20 days..sorry 19 now, from OTA. She looks good with her hair chopped off in a ‘cadet cut’ and wins downright in confusing people about her gender!

Amidst a heavy rainstorm I left for Jammu by the night bus service! Not the most appealing and comfortable of journeys, but definitely not bad. Had the company of a college girl from the small, but a very special town to me, Udhampur. Career counselled her thoroughly! She loved my company, by the way, for she was more than eager to exchange nos and call me over for a visit home! But unfortunately, the bus got really late and Ritu and her dad had to wait 1 and a half hour for me in the car. That is especially more unfortunate for that one and a half hour began at 4.45 am! And finally i arrived!

Being greeted with the warmest hug and loads of love is a great feeling! Aunty was waiting for us at home and it felt as if another daughter has arrived. With the serving of the tea, the dawn broke, and so did chains of unshared thoughts and experiences. Before i knew, i was bombarded with OTA times, from both uncle and ritu respectively. As i struggled to make sense of the terminologies, i was secretly glad to be made aware, that Aunty was in my league! OTA ruled unabated, for the next..i don’t know how long, till probably uncle decided to get dressed for office. Meek me tried to put in a word or two about life back home too, and not just smile and show surprise at the, obviously, OTA talks! : )

Then came the photographs, obviously OTA first. Now i could slightly connect with all that i had heard! soon when those got exhausted, out came the wedding pics and the other stuff i carried from home. Now the sharing on my end began, and it continued till we both dropped dead in the bed with aching heads! Sleep was desperately needed and we obliged ourselves! Mercifully!

Treated we were to some real yumm dinner in Hotel Asia. All dressed and ready, ritu seemed to have found in me an object worth using her stuff on! So planted i was on uncomfortable heels, only because they looked good, and my feet, horrid! Deciding on where to go was the biggest issue, but miraculously we found a way out of it! Clicked some pics and had some great food, acted cheap by taking away all the mouth freshners and next stop, De flavours- an ice cream parlour. Those unassuming people had kept this mirror there that made one look HUGE! I mean depressingly HUGE! And that too in an icecream parlour! Wrong marketing strategy man!

Anyhow, the day ended with some more talks, while the next day began with photographs clicking sessions! Simply, cz we got hold of this one hat! Talking followed, vegetable shopping, sarees screening, and before we realised it was noon. So an obviously yum lunch and more bitching. And then we decided to pay a foreign country a visit. So off we went, to Pakistan! Finally saw RS Pura, a place famous for very famous basmati rice, and one i have heard about since childhood. And then, the border. Soon we walked into Pakistan and back we came! We were informed by the BSF soldier there that the only vehicles that are allowed to cross, are UNs. They come from Pakistan side, and go across the Indian gate. I mean WOW! How cool is that! Makes me wanna work in UN!

Anyhow, since we were foreign returned now, so we decided to oblige some of my almost relatives with a dinner opportunity with us! Awesome kashmiri food we were served garnished with lots and lots of laughs and good times! Dropped dead we did, as soon as we were back!

The next day was a dog day! Visited a home which had 4 big Dalmatians and 4-5 small pups. It also had 3 girls and a very very talkative mother who took as scapegoats! After leaving their place after hours, we could sit for an exam about her husband, her kids and their marks in each class. Oops sorry, also their present and past subjects. And trust me, so well taught we were that we sure as hell wud score an ace! What torture! But the happy times were to follow, we went to the market in the evening, where Ritu tried the most expensive of tees, hung huge earrings in her ears and look fab!:)

But before I knew, it was time for me to leave. But before i could be seen off, there arrived an uninvited, and even unknown guest to replace me! He was kind enough to come along with the family to ensure i caught the bus back home on time, which I eventually did.

 It simply felt great to be with Ritu after so long. We walk on different paths of life now, follow different dreams, lead contrasting lives and yet, feel so connected. The college days will fade away and other things will take their place, but the bond that we nurtured, all those years, shall remain strong. Its strange how she can still understand the meaning of my twisted words while others question me about their existence, the exuberance she has to share her life’s experiences and even insignificant details. We realise that as life moves on, so many things will have to be left behind, but my friendship with Amrita, gives me the confidence that no matter how much one may move on, remaining the best of friends is not just possible, but an experience in itself!    

Truly, her home felt like my own and her family, mine. Being treated as a daughter, and valued as one, by her parents, was nothing new, but it was a gentle reminder, that i have and will always do have, a home away from home.

Love you all!

P.S- oh! We also met captain Lisa, narcotics expert at the border. The cutest captain iv ever seen! She is a black lab of 36 months, who is super well trained. So i decided to pet her crazy and trust me, she messed up on the commands!:) beautiful loveable dog she was, who wud give the best of the salutes!

Oh! Don’t know how i find dogs, or they find me, wherever i go!         

Only if..if only..

Phew! The day is only half done and i feel like an old woman already! Am tired! So damn tired of worrying! Incidently, i worry not just for myself, but even for the unknown! If anyone decided to pay me for it, i will soon be a rich girl! Ha!

What am i doing with my life? More importantly, what should i do with my life? That is just what is eating this lil brain of mine. Which direction to head in? What to pursue? What not to pursue and what to leave? I had planned on so many things, and unfortunately, for myself, i seldom get them going! Ridiculously laid back, a desperate wait for a miracle, and a hope, that soon, i will see the light at the end of the tunnel! Sigh!

Am i confused? Oh! Boy! Ask me how much! A million dollars would be less to trade the amount! Phew! Life and its silly lies. Silly lies and their ensuing consequences. Consequences and a further  entangled life!  A vicious vicious circle it is, till of course, the Divine decides to have mercy on the ‘smallness’ of your brain and foresight, and gives you, on a golden platter, something really ‘divine’. And by that I donot mean a chocolate oozing delicious something!

Oh! If only life was that simple.  If only things were easier. If only, we could just blink our eyes and have our wishes granted. If only...only if..

  

Childhood

These days, like a caged bird and a closed mind,

Mounting maturity and insight,

Like slipping sand seems old times,

Running out, just out of sight!

Those beautiful days, when we all shared;

In those laughing eyes and immature sighs;

The innocence of a child.

Unrestricted like sun rays,

Like wind over the mountains,

A river through a valley,

Like the flight of a butterfly,

Those days too, just flew by.

I yearn for my childhood,

When I watched ants make their homes,

When I discovered the beauty of a flower,

When love and trust freely prevailed,

And you and me, just never cared!

Those times too, seemed so hard,

Unbearably small, as was considered by all,

With small hands and big dreams,

To be grown and be free!

I want those days to come back,

I want to relive my childhood,

To be precious as a gem stone,

Be caressed, as the motherly moonlight

Caresses every blade of grass.

I want the innocence that is now lost

Like cried tears.

I want to undo the puzzle of my life

And relive my childhood!

oops!

Oops! Being overdressed for an occasion is so not a pleasing feeling!

But what the hell! Once you are there, uv got no choice. Except, to give a damn and make the most of all the food, drinks and laugh at the funny sights- unabated, even unbecomingly! Sometimes its just nice to look like a fool, and talk like the best brain around!

This is just what happened with me last night! Ended up going for a party half heartedly. It bloody poured all evening, so the sarees, as planned, were shelved in, the occasion not worth spoiling the expensive stuff. And out came a, not so suited suit. Knew that, but didn’t have an option. For the rest of them are pure crepe, and id die if even a drop of water was to fall on them!

So wear i did that suit. Looked like the bride at her own wedding, while go we did for someone elses engagement. Not nice. Anyhow, sometimes blindness prevails! On the way, an auto banged into our car, for the streets were flooded with water and traffic. The man almost got thrashed by my dad. I think dad too was not interested in going, so the auto chap conveniently became the victim!

After efforts to locate the place, we reached. Still raining. According to Army rules, late.(But later we were to realise, that as we left, without eating dinner, people were making their entry!) Enter the family, in a space that was completely inappropriate for the amount that had gathered.  Suffocating. Until, the crowd turns to see this orange coloured clad girl, complete with shimmering gold on her outfit. Oops! No choice. Don’t look! Just stare in .. anything that comes in front of you. Speak well, to distract attention from the suit. Criticise others heart in heart!  Just wanted to leave. But couldn’t.

So i was reminded of thoughts i had, just when i was getting ready. As kids, most of the times, mrit me and sukh would end up being so overdressed for a movie. And simply cz we got so engrossed in dressing up that the context was lost, till we reached ground zero.  And then, it was oops! But a lot of things seem pardonable in hindsight, especially when you grow up and out of that stage. So i have forgiven myself for all those times, primarily cz i lead the overdressed gang, being the ‘most overdressed of all’!

But now, phew! probably just teaches you a lesson: dont listen to your mother when it comes to clothes, not mine atleast. She is so comfortable in her skin, and so confident of being herself, that nothing of this kind matters to her. Or maybe, shes just growing old, and gives a shit about all this!  Like they say, shit happens! It just happened last night! But again, what the hell.. 

FOR MY KIDS..

Seen some, come and go,

Seen the others grow,

Felt their love in so many ways,

Be it December or May!                                                            

A moment it takes,

To breathe them in,

And soon, they are closer than your kins!

They are a bunch of flowers growing wild

Abandoned at their own plight

Left to the mercy of this world

But beautiful beyond words.

Hustling, bustling and often wrestling,

They wash over you,

Like a wave that is gustling,

Rolling, tumbling, and recklessly

Fumbling, with energy, they are 

Always bubbling. 

.

Laughing, screaming, singing,

Ever so often, their love is healing.

Redundant their misery,

Their sadness – history.

Looking upon you

Like angels in a mystery.

Chattering, crying,

Struggling for a normal life.

Rests in them The Divine,

Surprising, but its easy to find.                                                                    

Beseeching  prayers, expectant stares                                                     

A hope, a wish..for  a peek at a happy life,

For someone to bear, someone to care,

To give them life’s fairest share!                                        

What will become of them?

Will they be lost in the myriad many..

In a slumbering world, where life takes its toll

Even if its, just for a penny!

Or will they bloom and shine?

Do for themselves just fine?

Riddles of being that make me wonder

But their fragrance in my life will always linger.

APPEAL!!!!!

did what i could... pray pray pray and PRAY some more that things work out for the best for that lil girl of 13 yrs. desperately praying!

so do u plz!!!!!!

Need to know..

Why is it easier to forgive strangers and acquaintances than your own people?

OUTRAGED!

I am outraged, yet helpless! Early morning brought the newspaper, and in it the news that a 13 yr old girl in Snehalya (the place where some of my kids live), was found to be 3 months pregnant! HUH????? WHAT?????? Couldn’t believe what my mom was telling me! So I hurriedly scanned the news report, thankfully, none of the staff members or the boys  of the place were involved. The girl had gone home and one Om Prakash (maybe her guardian or someone) violated her. On suspicion she was sent to the GMCH-16 and the pregnancy confirmed. I mean, she is a 13 yr old girl for heavens  sake!

I don’t know what will they do with her. Send her away from that place am sure. Where, no clue. Thats what had happened when a young girl, barely 16, had walked in, though the medical check up showed that shes carrying a child. And am sure not willingly!

What the bloody hell is wrong with the men of this nation? Why is their sexuality uncontrollably violating the rights, choice and the privacy of others? A child of 13 yrs..!!! that man is reported to be married and supposedly has two kids! Would he dare do the same with his daughter? Coming to think of it, it is a hard to accept possibility.

I wonder if the poor girl will be allowed to abort the child. legally, she will have to approach the Court to seek permission for the same. She being a minor, her consent doesn’t hold good in law. Fortunately, just this april, the Gujarat High Court has allowed a young teen ager, who was repeatedly raped for a over a year by her neighbour  and then became pregnant, to abort the child. The trail court, though, had held that physically she seems capable of carrying through the pregnancy and thus refused. The High Court accepting the plea that the pregnancy will cause mental and physical trauma to the victim, who was already 2 months in the pregnancy, allowed her to abort the child. The local government hospital was entrusted with job and also made responsible for her post operative care.

Being a practical humanist, I am really appreciative of the verdict. In the present case, I am really doubtful if an abortion will take place, the minor girl, already being 3 months pregnant. Even if the Punjab and Haryana High Court, as it had in the Nari Niketan case, allowed the termination of pregnancy of a violated woman of unsound mind, a lady lawyer for a ‘crusader’ got the order quashed from the Supreme Court. The baby girl was born, she lives with her mother and the other mentally unsound people of that Govt home. She does bring a lot of joy to a lot of people there, no doubt, but once the ‘hearted’ officials are posted out, replaced, God forbid, by some corrupt ‘heartless’ ones, then? I wonder if that ‘crusader’ lawyer contributes even half an hour in a week to the little baby, for whose birth she fought till the top!

Deep within, am hoping its not one of the girls i call my own. They are like my own children, my siblings.  I have seen each of them grow into young girls, and am scared. I am really scared. I don’t know if the girls there even know of the case. They usually donot disclose much to the children. I just hope not. And if they do, i wonder how will they take it. Intend to visit the kids this Sunday. 

Also, a batchmate of mine called today. He had a fabulous idea to help kids with education. Need to see the viability of the same and a lot of other things. I really hope we can do a lot with his initiative and ideas!

But my wish for the day, and for a long time to come, is to just take away my kids to safer, loveable place, where they can grow up as kids, with carefree laughter. Not mature before their age, living in fear and threat of naked, blatant cruelty.   

Disgusting bloody SOB that rapist for a B***@#*is!