Sleepless fate!

Its 3 am and am WIDE AWAKE!!!  And I hate it! My mind is abuzz with lots of thoughts and the cold weather is so not helping. Its not cooling my mind, but my feet.

Outside, the lamplight shines, everything is calm and serene. Except my mind. One hour from now my dog will wake up, another hour or two from then, my parents. And the morning noises will begin to come alive. I hope I will be asleep then.

I hate this waking nights thing. Its not that am in love, I think it never really gave me sleepless nights infact! But its the kids. And that, I hate even more.

Spent the entire day with Amrita today. The morning began with a courageous visit to the eunuch temple in the slum area of sector 26. Same colony where the 13 yr old got raped. But we had to go the temple. An old eunuch stays there. She/ He is the head of the entire lot, and that is their adda. That (wo)man is a septuagenarian, originally belonging to Sri Lanka. (S)he was very sweet, offering us a ‘very sweet’ tea, insisting we drink it. All that (s)he does, is sit in that temple and give blessings and manipulates and monitors the working of the ‘biradri’ from there. S)he proudly, has saved a lot of lives, is the supposed grandmother of two of the kids at Snehalya. She had adopted their father, and now, due to the hospital’s mistake of giving him HIV+ blood after an accident, the kids parents are suffering. And the kids are in Snehalaya.

The kids are home for the vacations. I had to meet the boy, Karan, and his parents, to inform them about his new school - St Marys, and so to ensure that he reaches Snehalya on time. From the temple, after a half hour chat, we proceeded to the kids place, a rented 2 room set. Their mother was home with them, the father away to PGI. They were pleasantly surprised to see the didis come in. And soon the pleasantness wore off with karan running away in tears due to incessant complaints by his mother, and me, who scolded him in front of the others. Oops! (but i called him later in the evening and apologised.)

Anyhow, after informing the mother of the details, Deepa and her much hyper Bua, decided to guide us out of that ‘house jungle’. On the way, I was informed that Deepa is facing trouble at school. She goes to a big reputed school of Chandigarh, where lots of rich brats study. She had been avoiding school at all opportunities, because the kids, from bus ride onwards, make fun of her. Shes facing outright discrimination for her present and maybe her past too. She comes from Snehalya, doesn’t carry a tiffin, so on and so forth. And the little girl is traumatised. Understandably so.

We were never in favour of sending her to that school, because we knew what may follow. But the Sisters never thought such things existed. She is the lone one going to that school from among my kids. Assured her that the matter will be looked into, and we’l do everything possible to make things more comfortable for her. My goal- change her school. Trouble- she is an ace student, the school’s principal is NOT going to relieve her. Struggle- somehow get her out, save her and her childhood.

Anyhow, we left that place then, with Amrita getting a hint of Suchreet’s ‘life’s adventures’. A great thing about her, she is never surprised, or ill at ease, is as comfortable as it can get.

And then, the spending time together began. That  being  a long detailed experience, shall be dealt with later!

Wen i finally returned home in the evening, I marched upto  Mr Jesse’s place. Spat out Deepa’s story, obviously with the sub-text that his intervention and help is needed. What followed was not the most happy of all conversations, and definitely not the happiest of emotions. But after our share of not listening to each other, but making sure that each person’s arguments are heard, peace followed. But that, only after a rare ‘confessing’ walk. Seriously, what-would-i-do-without-you! :)

It was late wen I entered my home. My mom was waiting, not worried though, for she knew I was around only. ‘What the hell!’

But then; is that not what the kids at Snehalaya would give anything for? For waiting, anxious, concerned parents!

These kids, Karan and Deepa, are very special. They keep me awake all night. The day they came to the kids home, I was told their ‘story’. I tossed and turned all night in my bed, thinking about them, and the millions more like them. Today too, from Deepa, my thoughts stray to the others there. 

 I mean-  REALLY! WhAAt the HELL!

I think I need some meditation or something to remain sane, to think and then not think and then just sleep and think in the morning! I think I NEED A LIFE!

Its 4 Am and weather  outside has changed. From the drizzle to mild rain, it has transformed into a full fledged downpour on a wintery Dec early morning. A thunderstorm with lightning, drowns the glow of the lamp outside. Oh God! What about those who live on the roads? And that lil lost, injured golden lab at PFA, pleading us to take him home?

 The fault, I think, lies with the rain. But that doesnot help to soothe my nerves.

And nor does a hungry growling tummy- since it just forgot to sleep tonight!

P.S-

I think its becoming a kids and friends blog!

The Poetry in my life, doesn’t seem to be coming alive!

A BLAST FROM THE PAST!

What a way to spend a Sunday! Gave an exam from morning till evening, and just 15 minutes before it was to get over, i swore at it with all my might. For I was left with so much to finish, so less time and definitely not inclined, towards filing the goddam form for this exam ever again! So I scribbled, scribbled and scribbled some more! And finished it! Hee haw!

Phew! What a stupid way to determine someones destiny!

Anyhow, what a blast from the past this past week has been! Seriously!

Out of the blue, one day, I got a msg from an old friend of mine. Sitting in Mumbai he made it a point to tell me how ‘attractive’ the weather there was at this time of the year! We were together in the initial years of school, in Udhampur and then again in Delhi. We got chatting and getting to know each other after so many years. Sorry, there I should correct myself- its him getting to know me, rather than the other way or ‘both’ way around! So soon he shall be bombarded with a lot of questions about himself! And its surprising and shaming to know how much people remember, and how less I do! I agree that I suffer from a bad memory syndrome, but still.

This fact was highlighted more when I met Bhav in the University after AGES! We were together in the last few years of school and ‘got in touch again’ rather recently. Ended up going to the Univ for some work, madame too was there and then, we met up. Chatted chatted chatted and chatted. She remembered so many things which I didn’t! But yes, I did surprise her with some rather interesting things and incidents that I did! In fact we both had a clear memory of the day when all these guys were over at my place and I cooked for them- South Indian food!! Since it was such a RARE incident, don’t think anything can make me forget it! I was motivated back then, my priorities have conveniently changed now. And thankfully so!

Of course Amrita is in town too. We met up the other day and it was really nice to see her after so many months! Somehow I find it a lil weird talking to her in person than on the phone. Maybe because we are accustomed to gossiping on the phone. But Il be meeting her in a day or two. Looking forward to that. Really!

And then! Came Jeri – the pup Mr. JEsse and RIti (and therefore JERI) saved! Aww..that devil is 11 months now, CANNOT sit still and is awfully cute! All the Medicare oil we showered on him in those trying, dying times of his, has left him with a wonderful wonderful coat! I never thought Il get to meet him, but here he came, visiting his grandparents on Christmas! Aww.. another nice meeting.

But the terrible blast..from the past, was yet to come. I dreamt of some people I would never want to be reminded of, from my earlier days! They haunted my peace and the peaceful sleep, while I sat with them, ‘stuck’ in a conference room, listening to Barak Obama in my dream! Not the most pleasant of all situations. Well there were definitely some missing there, but not that I would want to bump into them, anytime around!

Its weird, how some ghosts from the past visit you sometimes. There is a rush of memories, not necessarily happy, that flood you sometimes.  And all this happens, usually before exams!

How some things remain un-confronted, un-dealt with. And how they refuse to go away from ones memory. How, sometimes, you wish things were more cordial. But then, that is where a bad memory counts. One secret, to a happy life! : )       

:(

Am enraged!

Seems like a rather usual emotion these days! But I am truly infuriated. Today as i stood in the sun, in the park, right in front of our house, talking to Ritu, I saw an old couple coming on a rickshaw, complete with bag and baggage. Even before I decided to register them to my memory, I saw this bike coming with two young chaps on it. And just as i looked, the pillion rider snatched the purse from that unassuming lady and hurried off!

Huh? What just happened? The lady too, took a minute or two, to realise what happened and screamed for help, asking people to catch that asshole!

The bastards escaped! Obviously. But what the hell! What the bloody hell! These things were only heard of! And they don’t happen at mid noon, in front of homes, for Heaven’s sake! What has happened to the world? I mean, it was just so convenient for those guys!

They must have followed the couple, waited for an appropriate time and then committed the theft. They chose an easy target, with luggage, and hence a possibility that they must be carrying cash. But it is ridiculous. No one could take down the bike’s no. As they just rushed off!

Homes are supposed to be safe. Chandigarh should be a safe city. What is the ‘we care for you’ police caring for? Bribes and inducements? Even if not, why such an inaction and inability to nab the culprits, when countless cases have occurred in the city? There is no fear of law among such miscreants? A man’s car was taken at gunpoint on Madhya Marg- meant to be the busiest place in Chandigarh. Gun point? I mean.. gunpoint! What state of affairs! So safe we sit in the city beautiful, making it a preferred destination for tourists.

Large scale unemployment, growing needs and rising inflation, with limited resources, drugs, alcoholism, greed, all of this and maybe lots more is leading to such crimes. The culprits seemed to be well dressed, owning a bike, needing petrol for it. What easier way than to steal someone else’s hard earned cash!

Not fair, so not fair!

And there somewhere, in some home nearby, stays a dog that only cries! God knows what kind of hard hearted people exist! If u cant look after a dog, don’t Goddamn keep one! Not that the ‘law’ requires you to keep one! In fact, 3 seems too many for the Chandigarh administration. And for the Chinese, from the one child norm, they have regressed to one dog norm! State control is good, but contour the control please!

And there is Wikileaks, leaking even confidential diplomatic exchanges! Does anyone, even if it means civil servants, have any right to privacy? Even if it is Governmental privacy?

I just hate the world today. Haven’t even been able to go to the kids, there was just so much to do! Am confused, agitated, irritated, and just want to go shopping alone!

I hate everyone today!      

Huh! 

HUMPH!:)

LIFE.. my dear.. is unexpected! it flatters u, it bogs u, it smothers u and it pleases u..
life, sure is unexpected..and sometims, rather nicely so! :)

mrit.. u really make me smile! :)

everytime i get this wiff of how strong and delightful our friendship is, u make me smile!:)
like ur last night phone call, i just couldnt stop smiling after that..and i dont know why.. probably just the concern.. dont know, but small things like these, make me smile!:)
ur one in a million, and am so so so glad we'r friends!.. the best of the many!:)

love ya loads!

JUSTICE!!!!!

There has got to be justice! Somewhere, somehow..

I have to be all alone this diwali, Mischief and me that is. My parents have to go out of town that very night due to some pressing work.  There, somewhere in England, sits my newly wed Bhabhi, wanting to be home, and have a blasting diwali. But she only gets to spend it in a foreign land, where it aint even a holiday.

The Malli has not been doing his work and the other chap has been throwing garden remains at the wrong place. The MC, which is otherwise, too active to be true, is blind to this. And the garbage man has gone mad. Never does his work and ‘demands’ diwali money! B@#$%^&d!

Went to meet the kids today. Missed the bloody bus for no reason, while I waited at the stop! Finally reached, by the longer route one, navigating through loads of traffic. Once there, felt that there is atleast something nice in the world, and that is, my kids. Most of them had gone home, and the ‘real’ destitute ones remained. Manish, a bright child who was once here in sec 47, was crying and was depressed! His family has never contacted him after leaving him here. He had a younger brother, a naughty, intelligent chap. He ran away from school one day, caught a bus and was all set to go to his home town. The police caught him, traced him to the home here (that once was) and called his mom. She came, took the child on the pretext of taking him home and dropped him off in some house (orphanage maybe) in sector 2. He ran away within a week from there too. Again the procedure was repeated, the mother threatened by the police of dire consequences, and so, she finally took him. Where, no clue. I don’t even know if he is alive or not. Such children become apt prospective criminals.

And so, this Manish now, wants to go home. Where is home, who is family? He doesn’t really know. But he wants to go home. He has not yet accepted the fact that he doesn’t have a home anymore. Or even if he does, he is definitely not welcome there. The RM of Snehalaya doesn’t really know the story, and so he agreed to take him all over the city, where ever he wants to go. But where will he go??

I gave the RM an idea, thereby putting in a word for the kids. Told him to pack the kids in the bus, as there are only a few who are left back, and take them around the city on Diwali night. Theyl see around, see the lights and feel happy. They will be out of that place! And then, i told him to get them to sec 47, their old home, and give them a couple of crackers to burst there! Nostalgic, very very nostalgic for the kids, but i think they want to do this for a long time. Maybe being here and doing this will make them realise, that life will just keep moving forward. One should cherish the past, cz once whats gone, can never really come back. What matters is that it happened. And the people who happened in that past, how to keep them preciously around, is what matters.

But how will a 10-12 year old Manish understand this?

Have coaxed the guys to ask around for NCC seats in their school. If they are not available, then we’l do the running around for the general/open seats somewhere. They did seem interested and want to work hard. I hope they take the first step.

And my girls are the best. They innocently inquire- when am I taking over Snehalya?

I really don’t know what answer to give to such naive questions.

Have to get a recharge for the phone. The no. Of ppl i need to call on Diwali are only increasing by the hour. A once in a year festival of lights. I hope the lights of that day bring with it the much needed justice around. The Mallis and the garbage man better be prepared!

a nEW bORN mOTHER!

A new born mother- thats how i feel like these days. Perpetual back ache, always on my toes, lack of sleep, dirty clothes to wash everyday, cooking and a demanding baby to look after and nurse to health!

My Mischief fell terribly ill. Her hind legs just stopped working and within a matter of 5 days, she went from limping to completely immobile. We consulted many a doctors here and did the wise thing of taking her to Ludhiana. She only ended up puzzling all the docs and surgeons there. All her internal organs are working properly, X rays and ultra sounds reveal nothing majorly wrong, except stones in her urinary bladder and an infection in her uterus. But this, the docs say, should in no way result into this condition. Her responses were good and so paralysis too was ruled out. They suspected a muscular disorder and prescribed medicines for a week.

We came back hopeful, but she only deteriorated by the day. The mildly walking Mischief soon became completely bed ridden!  And this, when Mischief hates to walk, but LOVES to run! That one week; there was horror, sadness, grief and complete disbelief regarding what was happening. We seemed to be losing her by the day, the reality of which was the most difficult to accept. She is only 6! Some suggested its a nerve related problem, others said that probably a tumour or clot in the brain is causing all this. A happy, playing running child just slipping out of your hands. It hasn’t even been 5 months since Joy left us, and now Mischief? I even had the bizarre thought that maybe its all Joy’s idea!

In a last attempt to save her, we made another trip to Ludhiana, agriculture university, the animal section. It is believed to be the best in North India. The doctors were more perplexed this time to see her in a worse condition. The whole morning went in carrying out the tests and all. But the docs were awfully nice to carry out detailed discussions with each other and then, clearly did explain to us what their strategy was. They accepted that its a hit and trial thing they are doing, hoping that the treatment works cz nothing apparently is still wrong with her. No way to find out about the brain though. So, again, we started back for home, praying that this time, the meds work!

The diet charted out on the way, the medicines bought in spite of the tiredness, and a resolve, with fervent prayers, that Mischief is going to get well this time!

Cooking for my lil angel was taken over by me, my bed spread next to her, baskets emptied to house her medicines and prepared we were, for our journey to health. Slowly and steadily, my girl recovered. Still is recovering. She is now back on her feet and can walk a lil. She wobbles and is very weak, but thats better than being tied to the bed, helpless. She no more has to be picked up, or administered medicine of urine. She just needs help to get up now. but am sure, with the kindness that God has bestowed upon her, she is going to be up, about and kicking soon! Touchwood! 

Picking her up and supporting her to walk, gave my back a tough time. And since, madam wants an attendant awake thru the night, my sleep cycle has gone for a six! I try to catch sleep whenever the lady is asleep. And oh! She has forced me to get into the kitchen too! I have to cook for this devil, and then ‘make her’ eat food, cz she is too pampered to eat on her own! One of those reluctant eaters, with whom, the only option is to be a persistent feeder!

But seeing her recover each day, celebrating her recovering health; the back aches, sleep deprivation and all, doesn’t seem to matter. The joy of having her back with us, is just too great!  And this newly born mother, likes it that way! :) 

Joy, Kids and Wishes..

Tired, half dead, with an aching head and legs, a broken back and a demanding dog- is what life is after almost 12 hours of being away and on the move.

Thoughts in my head- lots. Probably thats why its hurting.

I miss my Joy. I miss his laughter and songs. Basically, I just terribly miss his company. I just pray and hope that he is happy and  comfortable wherever he is. He is around, watching over us. And I just know that.

Met my kids today. Came back, of course, with mixed thoughts, some happiness, some wonder. Everytime  I visit them, they have grown taller and thinner. They are usually emotionally charged, either on seeing me or when I am about to leave. There are new people I find, and each time I wonder, how can children become a burden on their parents, that some choose to leave them here and never return.

The ones I know since long, their future troubles me. How will they earn their living, what do I do to get them equipped for a job, so on and so forth. They all miss the old days and insist that I do something  to help them  re-live those days. How do I explain to them that I am a very ordinary girl. No super human I am. but they are kids you know, how can one not forgive their unwarranted beliefs?

Came back home and called up Sameer- One of my boys who left this place and went to his home town- somewhere in Jharkhand. He was surprised to the core to find me at the other end of the call. But happy. He is not working but studying in class 9, which was a relief. He promised me time and time again that he’l stand first in his class, and make me really proud. After all, he said, am your brother! His younger brother, Odil, also went away with him. He was studying in St. Xaviers here. Now he is there, going to be promoted to class 5, since he already knows everything of his class 3 and more. I love my babies.

I wish, one day, I attend their convocations. Proudly stand alone to give them a standing ovation. I wish, am there, at their important moments of life, share their happiness and successes. I wish, I can manage to get them jobs, see them settled and send their children to schools. I wish, some, atleast some of my kids, make it really big in life and be an inspiration to a lot people. I wish, I had a home, where Sisters and my kids lived.

Never thought, that one day, life would bring such distances in between. Sisters, kids, everyone would move away. Only a cellphone would connect us. But seriously, thank God for that! I miss having my kids around, like they miss their home and the park! they want me to get them to sec 47 this Diwali and celebrate like the old times! What fun that really was! The girls and me would light up candles, with the little boys helping us. And then, the Bhaiyas will ‘help’ all the kids ‘crack their crackers!’  sister and me would be the jury for all the ensuing fights over whose crackers were used by whom, and of course, also be the medical unit for slight burns!

The home, that once was.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

The headache I had, has vanished. The tiredness and the pain in my back - intensified. I wish, and please wish, my kids the best that there ever can be. May all the happiness be theirs- always! I wish, everyone could love them, more, than they can be loved in a lifetime!

Some things..

Some things in life never change

Like the beauty of a flower or

The length of an hour,

Be it the innocence of a child,

Or the warmth of sunshine,

Like a priceless smile,

Or love, undefined.

Some things, just never change

Be it a thoughtful gesture,

Or carefree nature,

Like those unspoken words,

Even  looks, in a herd,

Be it a retrospective grin,

Or remembrance of an amazing thing!

Some things, like the touch of a familiar hand,

Or be it the dryness of sand,

The brightness of a flame,

Or wildness untamed,

Like the serenity of a calm ocean,

Or swiftness of a motion.

Some things in life just never change,

Some things, like the dust of memories,

Or excitement of ceremonies,

Be it the golden ray of hope,

Or countless promises untold,

Like an introspective peep,

Or an unforgettable dream.

Some things just never change,

Be it the morning dew,

Or dusk’s changing hues,

Like the chirping of birds,

Or miracles unheard,

Be it the twinkle in sparkling eye,

Or motherly advice.

Some things like the anxiety of wait,

Or the unknown fate,

Be it myriad emotions,

Or utter commotion,

Like the vagueness of haze,

Or wrinkles of old age.

Some things in life just never change,

But all cannot even remain the same.

Its the reality called life,

An intricate web of happiness, gloom and strife,

So live it well while you are alive,

Don’t be dead before you die!

The Colors of an Indian Life

The divine pinks of faith and belief,

The strength of yellow

Apparent in every crease.

The earthy browns- our colour core,

The whites read,

 Either politicians or woes.

Young feel the waves of purple

The old content in wavering pastels.

Oranges and creams

Make a sensible mix,

And  multicoloured we act in a fix!

Vibrant estatic  Enthusiastic and strong,

A mix of hues with confident contrasts,

A hint of blues, with shades of green

The often found red, alarmingly beam.

The Indian life, like smoke it spreads

Assimilated in the fabric of our existence

In its every thread.

The colours of an Indian life..

Intriguing experiences ,it ignites!

and Jammu finally happened!

Ah ha! My tummy feels like WOW! Light and recovered due to loads of talking and sharing that had remained within me all this while! Just made a short trip to jammu to visit Ritu, who is back home for 20 days..sorry 19 now, from OTA. She looks good with her hair chopped off in a ‘cadet cut’ and wins downright in confusing people about her gender!

Amidst a heavy rainstorm I left for Jammu by the night bus service! Not the most appealing and comfortable of journeys, but definitely not bad. Had the company of a college girl from the small, but a very special town to me, Udhampur. Career counselled her thoroughly! She loved my company, by the way, for she was more than eager to exchange nos and call me over for a visit home! But unfortunately, the bus got really late and Ritu and her dad had to wait 1 and a half hour for me in the car. That is especially more unfortunate for that one and a half hour began at 4.45 am! And finally i arrived!

Being greeted with the warmest hug and loads of love is a great feeling! Aunty was waiting for us at home and it felt as if another daughter has arrived. With the serving of the tea, the dawn broke, and so did chains of unshared thoughts and experiences. Before i knew, i was bombarded with OTA times, from both uncle and ritu respectively. As i struggled to make sense of the terminologies, i was secretly glad to be made aware, that Aunty was in my league! OTA ruled unabated, for the next..i don’t know how long, till probably uncle decided to get dressed for office. Meek me tried to put in a word or two about life back home too, and not just smile and show surprise at the, obviously, OTA talks! : )

Then came the photographs, obviously OTA first. Now i could slightly connect with all that i had heard! soon when those got exhausted, out came the wedding pics and the other stuff i carried from home. Now the sharing on my end began, and it continued till we both dropped dead in the bed with aching heads! Sleep was desperately needed and we obliged ourselves! Mercifully!

Treated we were to some real yumm dinner in Hotel Asia. All dressed and ready, ritu seemed to have found in me an object worth using her stuff on! So planted i was on uncomfortable heels, only because they looked good, and my feet, horrid! Deciding on where to go was the biggest issue, but miraculously we found a way out of it! Clicked some pics and had some great food, acted cheap by taking away all the mouth freshners and next stop, De flavours- an ice cream parlour. Those unassuming people had kept this mirror there that made one look HUGE! I mean depressingly HUGE! And that too in an icecream parlour! Wrong marketing strategy man!

Anyhow, the day ended with some more talks, while the next day began with photographs clicking sessions! Simply, cz we got hold of this one hat! Talking followed, vegetable shopping, sarees screening, and before we realised it was noon. So an obviously yum lunch and more bitching. And then we decided to pay a foreign country a visit. So off we went, to Pakistan! Finally saw RS Pura, a place famous for very famous basmati rice, and one i have heard about since childhood. And then, the border. Soon we walked into Pakistan and back we came! We were informed by the BSF soldier there that the only vehicles that are allowed to cross, are UNs. They come from Pakistan side, and go across the Indian gate. I mean WOW! How cool is that! Makes me wanna work in UN!

Anyhow, since we were foreign returned now, so we decided to oblige some of my almost relatives with a dinner opportunity with us! Awesome kashmiri food we were served garnished with lots and lots of laughs and good times! Dropped dead we did, as soon as we were back!

The next day was a dog day! Visited a home which had 4 big Dalmatians and 4-5 small pups. It also had 3 girls and a very very talkative mother who took as scapegoats! After leaving their place after hours, we could sit for an exam about her husband, her kids and their marks in each class. Oops sorry, also their present and past subjects. And trust me, so well taught we were that we sure as hell wud score an ace! What torture! But the happy times were to follow, we went to the market in the evening, where Ritu tried the most expensive of tees, hung huge earrings in her ears and look fab!:)

But before I knew, it was time for me to leave. But before i could be seen off, there arrived an uninvited, and even unknown guest to replace me! He was kind enough to come along with the family to ensure i caught the bus back home on time, which I eventually did.

 It simply felt great to be with Ritu after so long. We walk on different paths of life now, follow different dreams, lead contrasting lives and yet, feel so connected. The college days will fade away and other things will take their place, but the bond that we nurtured, all those years, shall remain strong. Its strange how she can still understand the meaning of my twisted words while others question me about their existence, the exuberance she has to share her life’s experiences and even insignificant details. We realise that as life moves on, so many things will have to be left behind, but my friendship with Amrita, gives me the confidence that no matter how much one may move on, remaining the best of friends is not just possible, but an experience in itself!    

Truly, her home felt like my own and her family, mine. Being treated as a daughter, and valued as one, by her parents, was nothing new, but it was a gentle reminder, that i have and will always do have, a home away from home.

Love you all!

P.S- oh! We also met captain Lisa, narcotics expert at the border. The cutest captain iv ever seen! She is a black lab of 36 months, who is super well trained. So i decided to pet her crazy and trust me, she messed up on the commands!:) beautiful loveable dog she was, who wud give the best of the salutes!

Oh! Don’t know how i find dogs, or they find me, wherever i go!         

Only if..if only..

Phew! The day is only half done and i feel like an old woman already! Am tired! So damn tired of worrying! Incidently, i worry not just for myself, but even for the unknown! If anyone decided to pay me for it, i will soon be a rich girl! Ha!

What am i doing with my life? More importantly, what should i do with my life? That is just what is eating this lil brain of mine. Which direction to head in? What to pursue? What not to pursue and what to leave? I had planned on so many things, and unfortunately, for myself, i seldom get them going! Ridiculously laid back, a desperate wait for a miracle, and a hope, that soon, i will see the light at the end of the tunnel! Sigh!

Am i confused? Oh! Boy! Ask me how much! A million dollars would be less to trade the amount! Phew! Life and its silly lies. Silly lies and their ensuing consequences. Consequences and a further  entangled life!  A vicious vicious circle it is, till of course, the Divine decides to have mercy on the ‘smallness’ of your brain and foresight, and gives you, on a golden platter, something really ‘divine’. And by that I donot mean a chocolate oozing delicious something!

Oh! If only life was that simple.  If only things were easier. If only, we could just blink our eyes and have our wishes granted. If only...only if..

  

Childhood

These days, like a caged bird and a closed mind,

Mounting maturity and insight,

Like slipping sand seems old times,

Running out, just out of sight!

Those beautiful days, when we all shared;

In those laughing eyes and immature sighs;

The innocence of a child.

Unrestricted like sun rays,

Like wind over the mountains,

A river through a valley,

Like the flight of a butterfly,

Those days too, just flew by.

I yearn for my childhood,

When I watched ants make their homes,

When I discovered the beauty of a flower,

When love and trust freely prevailed,

And you and me, just never cared!

Those times too, seemed so hard,

Unbearably small, as was considered by all,

With small hands and big dreams,

To be grown and be free!

I want those days to come back,

I want to relive my childhood,

To be precious as a gem stone,

Be caressed, as the motherly moonlight

Caresses every blade of grass.

I want the innocence that is now lost

Like cried tears.

I want to undo the puzzle of my life

And relive my childhood!

oops!

Oops! Being overdressed for an occasion is so not a pleasing feeling!

But what the hell! Once you are there, uv got no choice. Except, to give a damn and make the most of all the food, drinks and laugh at the funny sights- unabated, even unbecomingly! Sometimes its just nice to look like a fool, and talk like the best brain around!

This is just what happened with me last night! Ended up going for a party half heartedly. It bloody poured all evening, so the sarees, as planned, were shelved in, the occasion not worth spoiling the expensive stuff. And out came a, not so suited suit. Knew that, but didn’t have an option. For the rest of them are pure crepe, and id die if even a drop of water was to fall on them!

So wear i did that suit. Looked like the bride at her own wedding, while go we did for someone elses engagement. Not nice. Anyhow, sometimes blindness prevails! On the way, an auto banged into our car, for the streets were flooded with water and traffic. The man almost got thrashed by my dad. I think dad too was not interested in going, so the auto chap conveniently became the victim!

After efforts to locate the place, we reached. Still raining. According to Army rules, late.(But later we were to realise, that as we left, without eating dinner, people were making their entry!) Enter the family, in a space that was completely inappropriate for the amount that had gathered.  Suffocating. Until, the crowd turns to see this orange coloured clad girl, complete with shimmering gold on her outfit. Oops! No choice. Don’t look! Just stare in .. anything that comes in front of you. Speak well, to distract attention from the suit. Criticise others heart in heart!  Just wanted to leave. But couldn’t.

So i was reminded of thoughts i had, just when i was getting ready. As kids, most of the times, mrit me and sukh would end up being so overdressed for a movie. And simply cz we got so engrossed in dressing up that the context was lost, till we reached ground zero.  And then, it was oops! But a lot of things seem pardonable in hindsight, especially when you grow up and out of that stage. So i have forgiven myself for all those times, primarily cz i lead the overdressed gang, being the ‘most overdressed of all’!

But now, phew! probably just teaches you a lesson: dont listen to your mother when it comes to clothes, not mine atleast. She is so comfortable in her skin, and so confident of being herself, that nothing of this kind matters to her. Or maybe, shes just growing old, and gives a shit about all this!  Like they say, shit happens! It just happened last night! But again, what the hell.. 

FOR MY KIDS..

Seen some, come and go,

Seen the others grow,

Felt their love in so many ways,

Be it December or May!                                                            

A moment it takes,

To breathe them in,

And soon, they are closer than your kins!

They are a bunch of flowers growing wild

Abandoned at their own plight

Left to the mercy of this world

But beautiful beyond words.

Hustling, bustling and often wrestling,

They wash over you,

Like a wave that is gustling,

Rolling, tumbling, and recklessly

Fumbling, with energy, they are 

Always bubbling. 

.

Laughing, screaming, singing,

Ever so often, their love is healing.

Redundant their misery,

Their sadness – history.

Looking upon you

Like angels in a mystery.

Chattering, crying,

Struggling for a normal life.

Rests in them The Divine,

Surprising, but its easy to find.                                                                    

Beseeching  prayers, expectant stares                                                     

A hope, a wish..for  a peek at a happy life,

For someone to bear, someone to care,

To give them life’s fairest share!                                        

What will become of them?

Will they be lost in the myriad many..

In a slumbering world, where life takes its toll

Even if its, just for a penny!

Or will they bloom and shine?

Do for themselves just fine?

Riddles of being that make me wonder

But their fragrance in my life will always linger.

APPEAL!!!!!

did what i could... pray pray pray and PRAY some more that things work out for the best for that lil girl of 13 yrs. desperately praying!

so do u plz!!!!!!

Need to know..

Why is it easier to forgive strangers and acquaintances than your own people?

OUTRAGED!

I am outraged, yet helpless! Early morning brought the newspaper, and in it the news that a 13 yr old girl in Snehalya (the place where some of my kids live), was found to be 3 months pregnant! HUH????? WHAT?????? Couldn’t believe what my mom was telling me! So I hurriedly scanned the news report, thankfully, none of the staff members or the boys  of the place were involved. The girl had gone home and one Om Prakash (maybe her guardian or someone) violated her. On suspicion she was sent to the GMCH-16 and the pregnancy confirmed. I mean, she is a 13 yr old girl for heavens  sake!

I don’t know what will they do with her. Send her away from that place am sure. Where, no clue. Thats what had happened when a young girl, barely 16, had walked in, though the medical check up showed that shes carrying a child. And am sure not willingly!

What the bloody hell is wrong with the men of this nation? Why is their sexuality uncontrollably violating the rights, choice and the privacy of others? A child of 13 yrs..!!! that man is reported to be married and supposedly has two kids! Would he dare do the same with his daughter? Coming to think of it, it is a hard to accept possibility.

I wonder if the poor girl will be allowed to abort the child. legally, she will have to approach the Court to seek permission for the same. She being a minor, her consent doesn’t hold good in law. Fortunately, just this april, the Gujarat High Court has allowed a young teen ager, who was repeatedly raped for a over a year by her neighbour  and then became pregnant, to abort the child. The trail court, though, had held that physically she seems capable of carrying through the pregnancy and thus refused. The High Court accepting the plea that the pregnancy will cause mental and physical trauma to the victim, who was already 2 months in the pregnancy, allowed her to abort the child. The local government hospital was entrusted with job and also made responsible for her post operative care.

Being a practical humanist, I am really appreciative of the verdict. In the present case, I am really doubtful if an abortion will take place, the minor girl, already being 3 months pregnant. Even if the Punjab and Haryana High Court, as it had in the Nari Niketan case, allowed the termination of pregnancy of a violated woman of unsound mind, a lady lawyer for a ‘crusader’ got the order quashed from the Supreme Court. The baby girl was born, she lives with her mother and the other mentally unsound people of that Govt home. She does bring a lot of joy to a lot of people there, no doubt, but once the ‘hearted’ officials are posted out, replaced, God forbid, by some corrupt ‘heartless’ ones, then? I wonder if that ‘crusader’ lawyer contributes even half an hour in a week to the little baby, for whose birth she fought till the top!

Deep within, am hoping its not one of the girls i call my own. They are like my own children, my siblings.  I have seen each of them grow into young girls, and am scared. I am really scared. I don’t know if the girls there even know of the case. They usually donot disclose much to the children. I just hope not. And if they do, i wonder how will they take it. Intend to visit the kids this Sunday. 

Also, a batchmate of mine called today. He had a fabulous idea to help kids with education. Need to see the viability of the same and a lot of other things. I really hope we can do a lot with his initiative and ideas!

But my wish for the day, and for a long time to come, is to just take away my kids to safer, loveable place, where they can grow up as kids, with carefree laughter. Not mature before their age, living in fear and threat of naked, blatant cruelty.   

Disgusting bloody SOB that rapist for a B***@#*is!

Jesse Samuel.. here's for u!

I don’t even believe that am doing this. Writing a blog post about my best and choicest enemy! I mean seriously! U know, hes the ‘what-would-i-do-without him’ kinda enemy ! who constantly shocks me with his level of meaness! Being a ‘science-man’ has screwed up his head and he just can never get well on his own! He often surprises me with his past encounters but still claims that am his best friend! I mean talk about being burdened! And btw, he makes it a point to fight with me atleast twice a day! Atleast! And if not in person, mostly thru sms! How much worse can enemies really get! And hes jealous too.. of all my friends and my acknowledgement of their friendship!

But hes also always, mind you, ALWAYS a partner in every crime that i may even think of! Hes always supporting me through the thick and thin of this life of mine, always has a shoulder ready for my crying times and laughs at me for no reason whenever he can. He’s not my punching but pinching bag, and deserves all the praise for not making a ‘hue and cry’ about it! We are a regular sight for our sector locals, ambling away to the market, oblivious to the world, chatting and discussing our woes. And he obliges even if he is really tired! To escape the walking, he had even taught me how to drive a scooter..ho ho ho ! what times those were!

He’s really mean. He only bothers to remember my birthday bcz his deary dear mom and me share the same date. I don’t know what fascination he has with leather belts, that he’s gifted me two of them! And only wen i gave him this fab, creative handmade collage as a birthday gift(one in 3 years  that i remembered!!!!), that he took pains of making me this ‘super duper hit in my family’, much appreciated, and a wonderful wonderful scrapbook , for a birthday present!

He thinks he is some real intellectual (u know science man), that he has reserved the swings in front of our houses(we are neighbours cum family friends), for the intellectual discussions. He has helped me solve many a question papers there, sorted out loads of my troubles, helped me by just being there and often just lost his mind with mine! The various number of years age difference that we have, often vanishes, considering his,(maybe to some extent mine too) immaturity!:) and btw, we even had a common dog ‘bawn’, and my mischief (my dog) really loves him! But he’s strange (jesse Samuel i.e) for he finds talking to dogs as really strange, even though he would baby talk bawn all the time!

He is kind enough to treat me to dinners wen my parents are away, and seldom ever forgets to remind me that i owe him treats too! He minds a few things and keeps them damn close to his heart and chooses to disclose them after months and months have passed! All his past girlfriends are often a topic of concern for us, and even i have cried about some sad love tales to him!

This supposed friend of mine and me have this really weird friendship. We are sworn enemies, critics of each other, even then we have this real special bond of friendship that binds us together.  Frankly, i have no words to really define or even try to explain this friendship, maybe just.. what-would-i-really-do-without-u dear mr jess-a-mess!

And after a bout of crying and sharing some woes just 5 mins back.. just wanna tell u man.. ur the best! Thanks so much for everything! Even the ‘mature’ insights ...:) 

What makes me feel like..me!

The breeze ruffled in my hair

The green grass,

The beautiful flowers

Sight of which will always awe

Sunsets that i saw

Birds that silence the stars

Doors, that i hate ajar.

Clothes that i hardly discard,

Smiles, that always reward,

Small things that leave me aghast!

Exceptional days, a  blast,

That one thing.. sigh! alas!

The God i love,

Who watches over me,

My own sense of creativity,

day dreams,

Some pain, some empathy,

Lots of love,

Shared with plenty

My kids- my sensibility,

I am naturally contradictory,

Like the short lived flowers,

Lasting long in memory.

Even poetry, if it may so be called,

My people- my world,

The kid within me

Even as i grow old,

Certain secrets, which shall

Forever remain untold,

My hands- always cold,

Acc to my mum, am rather bold,

Laughter,  on which am sold,

Illusions, plenty i hold.

Life, that i intend to mould,

The distant look, in my eyes i behold,

Future that i would rather unfold,

Hearts-that i once stole.:)

Of the many more,

There could be a sea.

These are Just, a few things

 that make me feel like... me.

Would it?

Would life be this interesting

If it was not this complicated?

Without all the intermeshing,

Would there be reasons plenty,

To be elated?

Would an untangled life

Bring on many smiles?

Or would it leave a mark

Of mundane, monotonous

Routine with no spark?

Would life really be interesting

If it was not complicated?

My sanity keepers... and Amrita...

My friends almost always astound and overwhelm me. They fly over the land of logic, and still love me. Though am sure its an amazing experience for them. But am still surprised, probably because am not the most punctual of friends to remember their birthdays, anniversaries, etc. One misplaced or damaged phone, and am out of the circuit! Am not the regular caller, message sender, chatter kinds, am no where close to being on facebook too! Or maybe, am not as bad as some others!

So basically, my friends flabbergast me. Primarily because my pals have been mine since ages, since the awkward adolescent times! They are usually angry at me, but i just so love all of them! There is an extremely choicest of group i have, from school, college and neighbourly days! Almost all in weird diverse fields, think except mrit and me, all settled too! We are the ‘free lunchers’! but despite the differences and the distances, i always feel so connected to each of them! And i do wonder how!

I know they are always there for me, in their offices, labs, classrooms, academies  and even home! They all don’t like to live a life as boring as mine, and half of them can never get the hang of what am doing in life, more importantly, why! But they still do lovingly bear with me, laugh with me; at me; know my secrets before i tell them, and surround me with sanity and love all the time! Just knowing that they are there, somewhere!, is enough to calm my nerves.

My friends are the best people on this earth. And i cannot, but thank God for sending all His beautiful angels, just for me!

God bless them all.

And then of course, there is mrita.. don’t know if i should call her a friend or a sister, a sibling who wasn’t born to be mine, but over the years have undoubtedly taken that place for good.  We are citizens of different countries, wish to pursue different professions, have lived away and far from each other for more yrs than we lived in the same city, meet up maybe once in a year (but never on birthdays; and i mess up her birth date too!) and grow each day as different people than what we were once.

But, the best, and also the most surprising part is, that we have been each others support system, anchor, avowed critic and in simple words, best friends for all these many years. Even if that entailed long periods of absence (telephonically, physically, and even internetly), we stuck by! Thank God and touch wood!

Some 12 yrs back (i know! its really been that long!) we met each other, when i was this new student at our school. I had something to share and she seemed to have the most docile face to share ‘secrets’ with! Long incessant, parents troubling phone calls only followed in the following years. We strengthened our bond of friendship, seeing through the many (at that time) breakable and unbreakable moments. Cried, laughed, smuggled, lied, giggled, partied, didnot smoke or drink together! we knew without being told, finished each others sentences, talked through our looks, shared clothes, thoughts and experiences; even when we ended up being in different schools and sections!

She has been a patient victim to so many of my armature poems, has intruded on my letters, settled my disputes, disagreed with me, but never judged me. She has only loved me through all this time, and so have and do I.

Knowing amrita all this time has taught me a lot. She is this impatient angel, who really is America smart! She is this mature, worldy wise woman who always just has the right thing to tell you, have a conversation to make even when there is nothing to talk, and trust me, i have never seen or heard her shout! She is this epitome of sanity, without whom my life sure would be a chaos!

But this angel has her American side effects too, which i have either learnt to ignore or accept. But i think I rather not dwell on that!

Adjusting and growing to like these new people we turned out to be over the years was not a breeze! But don’t know how or why we managed. We never vowed to be each others best pals, but chose it for our ownselves.  And I am only glad that we did and have, for living a life without her, is impossible for me!

love you so much!:)

Still I Rise- Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise.  Maya Angelou (and who could have said it better!)

Sister Annie

This is something that started off as a letter, and ended up being a poem. I dont know on what address to send it, yet, that is. And so its here!

There is a lady i know,

None other can be so,

Giving, forgiving, Loving, caring,

Opinionated and strong,

Seldom going wrong.

She surrendered herself to her God,

Worships Him in her every breath,

Remembers Him at every test.

A pillar of strength herself,

Willing to come and forever help.

I admire you, Sister Annie,

and love you, so.

You have been like a mother,

A friend, a confidant,

A healer, a teacher,

And so much more.

You believed in me

and my abilities.

You showed me a path of life,

I was completely unaware of .

You  gave me the courage, 

To love the poor, the needy.

You made me grow fat, Sister, insisting that i eat!

You have been, are and always will,

A profound influence in my life.

I could sit and chat with you

for hours, without strife.

Your sweet voice to me 

Was like a cooling medicine,

For so many of my undisclosed tensions.

A dialogue with you soothed and calmed me.

It was almost like spirituality.

I could so connect with you, instantly.

Now that ur gone,

I miss you humongously.

The wonderful times,

The simple life,

An ocean of love,

Where everyone could dive.

I wish one day,

I can do as much for you,

As you have

By simply being you!

A boring boring sunday!

Yesterday turned out to be a rather boring Sunday. It happened to be mischief’s birthday(my dog), that is, the day she turned our home into hers. But the poor girl nursed an upset tummy. So no cake, no coke! Ate just bread and milk and as she celebrates each day, slept through and through her birthday too! (though she bothered to sport a nice bow and wanted to go all Indian with a bindi on her forehead! But changed her mind half way through.)

As for me, no celebrations,  work that i didn’t want to do, no deadlines to keep pace with, no shopping as was planned, rain, nothing great to eat, a walk on the same path, same old magazines, not even tired, not even sleepy and even missed mrits call in the morning!

The day was apparently so uneventful, that i have nothing more to write about it! The wind didn’t blow, no one to converse with, even hee-man was missing, experiencing romantic stories somewhere! Huh!

Uff! And no wuff! The dogs though were busy, handing over friendship bands to each other. Lucas a.k.a Ruff and his sister Bubbles( who looks like a deflated version of a bubble!) befriend my Mischief and their neighbour Sherry. Poor chap Lucas was so embarrassed at holding out a hand of friendship to two girls, that he instantly insisted on being rushed home, before his mates caught him in the act! Aww... he’s a darling!  

But, since i was not Lucas’ object of friendship, personally, such days can be quite a nightmare. But looking at the brighter side, I think they should come once in a while. It reminds one of how blissful it is to be busy. How not to crib about the awfully tiring days and happily smile at them wen they come!!

 No wonder they say, busy is easy, and busier is easier.  

life, as I see it!

Be brave,be nice,
be bold,be wise,
be the sunshine, brighten up lives,
be someones smile, be an honest reply..
laugh to forget the sighs..
..dream..as high as the sky..
be fearless, be strong..
be calm..like the eye of a storm,
bask in glory, as if its meant to stay..
whn it slips..cherish what was there..
be mature, be aware,
be a child..sometimes despair,
forget, forgive,
but remember to live,
its your life

make it click!!!!

JOYOUS JOY

Joy Rekhi
(08 May 2001- 25 May 2010)

Chit chatting, I walk, with my

dear companion by my side,

we share the days simple delights,

and over some random things we fight.

On the tracks, I stop for him

He pauses, while I try to keep pace.

He often looks back at me waiting,

While, at times he glides towards me,

As if skating.

We amble usually,

Enjoying the beauty, the

Freedom and the break from duty.

Some nice words I have for him,

Some special songs he sings for me.

Together when the sun sets,

We walk away in each others company.

He is my best buddy,

Always happy to greet me

Be it morning or night

Even minutes without me seem to him

An eternity.

Him, I dearly love, unconditionally,

My dearest dove.

To lift up the curtains and clear the fog,

I declare, my companion is my MOST loved dog!

His name is Joy,

Master in singing, though

Publically shy!

He is friend to all, never disappointing

And happy even in a brawl!

An uncanny sense of humour he sports.

His special ways of thanking ,

Loving his share of biscuits and coats!

Running in his amiable stride,

He is my old time crush, my love, my pride!

He unfailingly woke up nights with me,

While I studied he listened intently.

Love, he does, his share of food,

And trust me, you’l always find

Him in a happy mood.

My lovey dovey lil child he is,

On his cheek, there is always a kiss.

He is a baby not born, but raised by me

He is what I call, my happiness key! 

And now..

Heres to You God

I give You my sweet child

To look after and keep him from crying

Send him back to me one day

To nurture him into another

Flower of May.

..............................................................................

Yesterday..

Yesterday, without my say,

 there struck at me, a virus,

 catchin me rather unaware.

Soon, before i realised

I sneezed away..

 Oh! In a pitiful plight.

Heat engulfed my body

Spread thru me to create

 within me a scare.

A murky stream flowed

uninterrupted thru my nose,

endless kerchiefs only followed.

Lay in d bed i did, with some pills within me to cure.

Soon in another world i found, myself,

 to health being lured.

Even before i began

to enjoy d feelin,

 came a sneeze, much unappealing.

And woken i was by a thunderous storm,

which chose to flow, from my rather red nose!:(

A CTU bus ride

A rather bright day it seems

Right at noon,

When one endlessly waits

For the ill timed state transport bus,

To be arriving anytime soon!

As Hot becomes hotter,

Stray people stray around you,

Some cant keep their eyes to themselves,

While some even bother to smile as if

suggesting some cue!

Far from a distance, a green ,slow shadow

Seems to arrive,

As the crowd runs to stop it,

It reluctantly would oblige.

Though not at ur footstep,

But a lil far off,

Everyone needs some exercise, you see,

Lest it has to carry the load!

A swarm will rush in, some still hanging at the door,

Those who mistook the destination,

(God be with them)

Are screamed at for sure!

They are grumblingly thrown off

While lingeringly nagged, as if its a cure!

Some dutifully que

to pay for their ride,

While others run around

For themselves to hide,

Some assert their rights to seats

And still others who, for a long time,

shall stand to greet.

Once settled for the journey,

The surroundings take notice,

A fat lady would invariably be behind you

To push you at every stoppage.

The olfactory senses get rather stressed

With different smells of sweat,

Some mixed with powder or perfume,

While some, just last nights wet!

If a rather unlucky day it would be,

A fusion one might perceive,

Of hospital, medicines, disease

And  the aroma Indian sweat release!

The monsoon gets the better of us

With muck and dirt inside,

The insistence of the neighbours

To keep the windows tied.

Lest they get all wet, and lashed by the rain.

Oh somebody should tell them

That to suffocate is not sane!

The winters bring on a different hue

Cold, numb, one may rather be sued!

A  creek would somewhere be there

To let the wind strike-

An uncalled for dare!

Though i may crib and cry about the

State transport bus

But am its devout user;

With all the possible fuss!

Id rather be close to reality

Of the people i intend to serve.

Id rather experience their experiences,

Know their hardships a lil more.

Understand when they are late

And not judge them cz of their fate.

Id rather be one of them,

Than be far removed.

Enjoy my airconditioned car rides ,

But be rooted to the roots!

MA

Everytime she goes, my heart worries,

Everytime she comes, i see a different look in her eyes.

She grows everytime.. an inch taller, a few moments more mature

That little girl in her, now only more fuller

I wonder how the years went by, my docile child

Suddenly not so mild.

She is still the same for me, only a little more wise.

i see her sleeping frame, lost in her slumber..

when will she awaken, i wish to feel her around me like a thunder!

Nothing has changed, nothing is the same

She is still that child, only now its just i 

who can recognise.

She hugs me one moment, she shrugs the other

She thinks she is everyones mother!

She is bold, too much i think,

My reflection, how easily that sinks

I love her, she doesn’t know how much

She loves me, i feel it in her touch.

I scream, she listens,

Shes moody and i bear

She is like me, and i like her so

She is a part of me, she came of me

A beautiful miracle, a wonderful link

And this is what i think my mother thinks!