:(

Am enraged!

Seems like a rather usual emotion these days! But I am truly infuriated. Today as i stood in the sun, in the park, right in front of our house, talking to Ritu, I saw an old couple coming on a rickshaw, complete with bag and baggage. Even before I decided to register them to my memory, I saw this bike coming with two young chaps on it. And just as i looked, the pillion rider snatched the purse from that unassuming lady and hurried off!

Huh? What just happened? The lady too, took a minute or two, to realise what happened and screamed for help, asking people to catch that asshole!

The bastards escaped! Obviously. But what the hell! What the bloody hell! These things were only heard of! And they don’t happen at mid noon, in front of homes, for Heaven’s sake! What has happened to the world? I mean, it was just so convenient for those guys!

They must have followed the couple, waited for an appropriate time and then committed the theft. They chose an easy target, with luggage, and hence a possibility that they must be carrying cash. But it is ridiculous. No one could take down the bike’s no. As they just rushed off!

Homes are supposed to be safe. Chandigarh should be a safe city. What is the ‘we care for you’ police caring for? Bribes and inducements? Even if not, why such an inaction and inability to nab the culprits, when countless cases have occurred in the city? There is no fear of law among such miscreants? A man’s car was taken at gunpoint on Madhya Marg- meant to be the busiest place in Chandigarh. Gun point? I mean.. gunpoint! What state of affairs! So safe we sit in the city beautiful, making it a preferred destination for tourists.

Large scale unemployment, growing needs and rising inflation, with limited resources, drugs, alcoholism, greed, all of this and maybe lots more is leading to such crimes. The culprits seemed to be well dressed, owning a bike, needing petrol for it. What easier way than to steal someone else’s hard earned cash!

Not fair, so not fair!

And there somewhere, in some home nearby, stays a dog that only cries! God knows what kind of hard hearted people exist! If u cant look after a dog, don’t Goddamn keep one! Not that the ‘law’ requires you to keep one! In fact, 3 seems too many for the Chandigarh administration. And for the Chinese, from the one child norm, they have regressed to one dog norm! State control is good, but contour the control please!

And there is Wikileaks, leaking even confidential diplomatic exchanges! Does anyone, even if it means civil servants, have any right to privacy? Even if it is Governmental privacy?

I just hate the world today. Haven’t even been able to go to the kids, there was just so much to do! Am confused, agitated, irritated, and just want to go shopping alone!

I hate everyone today!      

Huh! 

HUMPH!:)

LIFE.. my dear.. is unexpected! it flatters u, it bogs u, it smothers u and it pleases u..
life, sure is unexpected..and sometims, rather nicely so! :)

mrit.. u really make me smile! :)

everytime i get this wiff of how strong and delightful our friendship is, u make me smile!:)
like ur last night phone call, i just couldnt stop smiling after that..and i dont know why.. probably just the concern.. dont know, but small things like these, make me smile!:)
ur one in a million, and am so so so glad we'r friends!.. the best of the many!:)

love ya loads!

JUSTICE!!!!!

There has got to be justice! Somewhere, somehow..

I have to be all alone this diwali, Mischief and me that is. My parents have to go out of town that very night due to some pressing work.  There, somewhere in England, sits my newly wed Bhabhi, wanting to be home, and have a blasting diwali. But she only gets to spend it in a foreign land, where it aint even a holiday.

The Malli has not been doing his work and the other chap has been throwing garden remains at the wrong place. The MC, which is otherwise, too active to be true, is blind to this. And the garbage man has gone mad. Never does his work and ‘demands’ diwali money! B@#$%^&d!

Went to meet the kids today. Missed the bloody bus for no reason, while I waited at the stop! Finally reached, by the longer route one, navigating through loads of traffic. Once there, felt that there is atleast something nice in the world, and that is, my kids. Most of them had gone home, and the ‘real’ destitute ones remained. Manish, a bright child who was once here in sec 47, was crying and was depressed! His family has never contacted him after leaving him here. He had a younger brother, a naughty, intelligent chap. He ran away from school one day, caught a bus and was all set to go to his home town. The police caught him, traced him to the home here (that once was) and called his mom. She came, took the child on the pretext of taking him home and dropped him off in some house (orphanage maybe) in sector 2. He ran away within a week from there too. Again the procedure was repeated, the mother threatened by the police of dire consequences, and so, she finally took him. Where, no clue. I don’t even know if he is alive or not. Such children become apt prospective criminals.

And so, this Manish now, wants to go home. Where is home, who is family? He doesn’t really know. But he wants to go home. He has not yet accepted the fact that he doesn’t have a home anymore. Or even if he does, he is definitely not welcome there. The RM of Snehalaya doesn’t really know the story, and so he agreed to take him all over the city, where ever he wants to go. But where will he go??

I gave the RM an idea, thereby putting in a word for the kids. Told him to pack the kids in the bus, as there are only a few who are left back, and take them around the city on Diwali night. Theyl see around, see the lights and feel happy. They will be out of that place! And then, i told him to get them to sec 47, their old home, and give them a couple of crackers to burst there! Nostalgic, very very nostalgic for the kids, but i think they want to do this for a long time. Maybe being here and doing this will make them realise, that life will just keep moving forward. One should cherish the past, cz once whats gone, can never really come back. What matters is that it happened. And the people who happened in that past, how to keep them preciously around, is what matters.

But how will a 10-12 year old Manish understand this?

Have coaxed the guys to ask around for NCC seats in their school. If they are not available, then we’l do the running around for the general/open seats somewhere. They did seem interested and want to work hard. I hope they take the first step.

And my girls are the best. They innocently inquire- when am I taking over Snehalya?

I really don’t know what answer to give to such naive questions.

Have to get a recharge for the phone. The no. Of ppl i need to call on Diwali are only increasing by the hour. A once in a year festival of lights. I hope the lights of that day bring with it the much needed justice around. The Mallis and the garbage man better be prepared!

a nEW bORN mOTHER!

A new born mother- thats how i feel like these days. Perpetual back ache, always on my toes, lack of sleep, dirty clothes to wash everyday, cooking and a demanding baby to look after and nurse to health!

My Mischief fell terribly ill. Her hind legs just stopped working and within a matter of 5 days, she went from limping to completely immobile. We consulted many a doctors here and did the wise thing of taking her to Ludhiana. She only ended up puzzling all the docs and surgeons there. All her internal organs are working properly, X rays and ultra sounds reveal nothing majorly wrong, except stones in her urinary bladder and an infection in her uterus. But this, the docs say, should in no way result into this condition. Her responses were good and so paralysis too was ruled out. They suspected a muscular disorder and prescribed medicines for a week.

We came back hopeful, but she only deteriorated by the day. The mildly walking Mischief soon became completely bed ridden!  And this, when Mischief hates to walk, but LOVES to run! That one week; there was horror, sadness, grief and complete disbelief regarding what was happening. We seemed to be losing her by the day, the reality of which was the most difficult to accept. She is only 6! Some suggested its a nerve related problem, others said that probably a tumour or clot in the brain is causing all this. A happy, playing running child just slipping out of your hands. It hasn’t even been 5 months since Joy left us, and now Mischief? I even had the bizarre thought that maybe its all Joy’s idea!

In a last attempt to save her, we made another trip to Ludhiana, agriculture university, the animal section. It is believed to be the best in North India. The doctors were more perplexed this time to see her in a worse condition. The whole morning went in carrying out the tests and all. But the docs were awfully nice to carry out detailed discussions with each other and then, clearly did explain to us what their strategy was. They accepted that its a hit and trial thing they are doing, hoping that the treatment works cz nothing apparently is still wrong with her. No way to find out about the brain though. So, again, we started back for home, praying that this time, the meds work!

The diet charted out on the way, the medicines bought in spite of the tiredness, and a resolve, with fervent prayers, that Mischief is going to get well this time!

Cooking for my lil angel was taken over by me, my bed spread next to her, baskets emptied to house her medicines and prepared we were, for our journey to health. Slowly and steadily, my girl recovered. Still is recovering. She is now back on her feet and can walk a lil. She wobbles and is very weak, but thats better than being tied to the bed, helpless. She no more has to be picked up, or administered medicine of urine. She just needs help to get up now. but am sure, with the kindness that God has bestowed upon her, she is going to be up, about and kicking soon! Touchwood! 

Picking her up and supporting her to walk, gave my back a tough time. And since, madam wants an attendant awake thru the night, my sleep cycle has gone for a six! I try to catch sleep whenever the lady is asleep. And oh! She has forced me to get into the kitchen too! I have to cook for this devil, and then ‘make her’ eat food, cz she is too pampered to eat on her own! One of those reluctant eaters, with whom, the only option is to be a persistent feeder!

But seeing her recover each day, celebrating her recovering health; the back aches, sleep deprivation and all, doesn’t seem to matter. The joy of having her back with us, is just too great!  And this newly born mother, likes it that way! :) 

Joy, Kids and Wishes..

Tired, half dead, with an aching head and legs, a broken back and a demanding dog- is what life is after almost 12 hours of being away and on the move.

Thoughts in my head- lots. Probably thats why its hurting.

I miss my Joy. I miss his laughter and songs. Basically, I just terribly miss his company. I just pray and hope that he is happy and  comfortable wherever he is. He is around, watching over us. And I just know that.

Met my kids today. Came back, of course, with mixed thoughts, some happiness, some wonder. Everytime  I visit them, they have grown taller and thinner. They are usually emotionally charged, either on seeing me or when I am about to leave. There are new people I find, and each time I wonder, how can children become a burden on their parents, that some choose to leave them here and never return.

The ones I know since long, their future troubles me. How will they earn their living, what do I do to get them equipped for a job, so on and so forth. They all miss the old days and insist that I do something  to help them  re-live those days. How do I explain to them that I am a very ordinary girl. No super human I am. but they are kids you know, how can one not forgive their unwarranted beliefs?

Came back home and called up Sameer- One of my boys who left this place and went to his home town- somewhere in Jharkhand. He was surprised to the core to find me at the other end of the call. But happy. He is not working but studying in class 9, which was a relief. He promised me time and time again that he’l stand first in his class, and make me really proud. After all, he said, am your brother! His younger brother, Odil, also went away with him. He was studying in St. Xaviers here. Now he is there, going to be promoted to class 5, since he already knows everything of his class 3 and more. I love my babies.

I wish, one day, I attend their convocations. Proudly stand alone to give them a standing ovation. I wish, am there, at their important moments of life, share their happiness and successes. I wish, I can manage to get them jobs, see them settled and send their children to schools. I wish, some, atleast some of my kids, make it really big in life and be an inspiration to a lot people. I wish, I had a home, where Sisters and my kids lived.

Never thought, that one day, life would bring such distances in between. Sisters, kids, everyone would move away. Only a cellphone would connect us. But seriously, thank God for that! I miss having my kids around, like they miss their home and the park! they want me to get them to sec 47 this Diwali and celebrate like the old times! What fun that really was! The girls and me would light up candles, with the little boys helping us. And then, the Bhaiyas will ‘help’ all the kids ‘crack their crackers!’  sister and me would be the jury for all the ensuing fights over whose crackers were used by whom, and of course, also be the medical unit for slight burns!

The home, that once was.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

The headache I had, has vanished. The tiredness and the pain in my back - intensified. I wish, and please wish, my kids the best that there ever can be. May all the happiness be theirs- always! I wish, everyone could love them, more, than they can be loved in a lifetime!

Some things..

Some things in life never change

Like the beauty of a flower or

The length of an hour,

Be it the innocence of a child,

Or the warmth of sunshine,

Like a priceless smile,

Or love, undefined.

Some things, just never change

Be it a thoughtful gesture,

Or carefree nature,

Like those unspoken words,

Even  looks, in a herd,

Be it a retrospective grin,

Or remembrance of an amazing thing!

Some things, like the touch of a familiar hand,

Or be it the dryness of sand,

The brightness of a flame,

Or wildness untamed,

Like the serenity of a calm ocean,

Or swiftness of a motion.

Some things in life just never change,

Some things, like the dust of memories,

Or excitement of ceremonies,

Be it the golden ray of hope,

Or countless promises untold,

Like an introspective peep,

Or an unforgettable dream.

Some things just never change,

Be it the morning dew,

Or dusk’s changing hues,

Like the chirping of birds,

Or miracles unheard,

Be it the twinkle in sparkling eye,

Or motherly advice.

Some things like the anxiety of wait,

Or the unknown fate,

Be it myriad emotions,

Or utter commotion,

Like the vagueness of haze,

Or wrinkles of old age.

Some things in life just never change,

But all cannot even remain the same.

Its the reality called life,

An intricate web of happiness, gloom and strife,

So live it well while you are alive,

Don’t be dead before you die!