Tired, half dead, with an aching head and legs, a broken back and a demanding dog- is what life is after almost 12 hours of being away and on the move.
Thoughts in my head- lots. Probably thats why its hurting.
I miss my Joy. I miss his laughter and songs. Basically, I just terribly miss his company. I just pray and hope that he is happy and comfortable wherever he is. He is around, watching over us. And I just know that.
Met my kids today. Came back, of course, with mixed thoughts, some happiness, some wonder. Everytime I visit them, they have grown taller and thinner. They are usually emotionally charged, either on seeing me or when I am about to leave. There are new people I find, and each time I wonder, how can children become a burden on their parents, that some choose to leave them here and never return.
The ones I know since long, their future troubles me. How will they earn their living, what do I do to get them equipped for a job, so on and so forth. They all miss the old days and insist that I do something to help them re-live those days. How do I explain to them that I am a very ordinary girl. No super human I am. but they are kids you know, how can one not forgive their unwarranted beliefs?
Came back home and called up Sameer- One of my boys who left this place and went to his home town- somewhere in Jharkhand. He was surprised to the core to find me at the other end of the call. But happy. He is not working but studying in class 9, which was a relief. He promised me time and time again that he’l stand first in his class, and make me really proud. After all, he said, am your brother! His younger brother, Odil, also went away with him. He was studying in St. Xaviers here. Now he is there, going to be promoted to class 5, since he already knows everything of his class 3 and more. I love my babies.
I wish, one day, I attend their convocations. Proudly stand alone to give them a standing ovation. I wish, am there, at their important moments of life, share their happiness and successes. I wish, I can manage to get them jobs, see them settled and send their children to schools. I wish, some, atleast some of my kids, make it really big in life and be an inspiration to a lot people. I wish, I had a home, where Sisters and my kids lived.
Never thought, that one day, life would bring such distances in between. Sisters, kids, everyone would move away. Only a cellphone would connect us. But seriously, thank God for that! I miss having my kids around, like they miss their home and the park! they want me to get them to sec 47 this Diwali and celebrate like the old times! What fun that really was! The girls and me would light up candles, with the little boys helping us. And then, the Bhaiyas will ‘help’ all the kids ‘crack their crackers!’ sister and me would be the jury for all the ensuing fights over whose crackers were used by whom, and of course, also be the medical unit for slight burns!
The home, that once was.
The headache I had, has vanished. The tiredness and the pain in my back - intensified. I wish, and please wish, my kids the best that there ever can be. May all the happiness be theirs- always! I wish, everyone could love them, more, than they can be loved in a lifetime!
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