Jesse Samuel.. here's for u!

I don’t even believe that am doing this. Writing a blog post about my best and choicest enemy! I mean seriously! U know, hes the ‘what-would-i-do-without him’ kinda enemy ! who constantly shocks me with his level of meaness! Being a ‘science-man’ has screwed up his head and he just can never get well on his own! He often surprises me with his past encounters but still claims that am his best friend! I mean talk about being burdened! And btw, he makes it a point to fight with me atleast twice a day! Atleast! And if not in person, mostly thru sms! How much worse can enemies really get! And hes jealous too.. of all my friends and my acknowledgement of their friendship!

But hes also always, mind you, ALWAYS a partner in every crime that i may even think of! Hes always supporting me through the thick and thin of this life of mine, always has a shoulder ready for my crying times and laughs at me for no reason whenever he can. He’s not my punching but pinching bag, and deserves all the praise for not making a ‘hue and cry’ about it! We are a regular sight for our sector locals, ambling away to the market, oblivious to the world, chatting and discussing our woes. And he obliges even if he is really tired! To escape the walking, he had even taught me how to drive a scooter..ho ho ho ! what times those were!

He’s really mean. He only bothers to remember my birthday bcz his deary dear mom and me share the same date. I don’t know what fascination he has with leather belts, that he’s gifted me two of them! And only wen i gave him this fab, creative handmade collage as a birthday gift(one in 3 years  that i remembered!!!!), that he took pains of making me this ‘super duper hit in my family’, much appreciated, and a wonderful wonderful scrapbook , for a birthday present!

He thinks he is some real intellectual (u know science man), that he has reserved the swings in front of our houses(we are neighbours cum family friends), for the intellectual discussions. He has helped me solve many a question papers there, sorted out loads of my troubles, helped me by just being there and often just lost his mind with mine! The various number of years age difference that we have, often vanishes, considering his,(maybe to some extent mine too) immaturity!:) and btw, we even had a common dog ‘bawn’, and my mischief (my dog) really loves him! But he’s strange (jesse Samuel i.e) for he finds talking to dogs as really strange, even though he would baby talk bawn all the time!

He is kind enough to treat me to dinners wen my parents are away, and seldom ever forgets to remind me that i owe him treats too! He minds a few things and keeps them damn close to his heart and chooses to disclose them after months and months have passed! All his past girlfriends are often a topic of concern for us, and even i have cried about some sad love tales to him!

This supposed friend of mine and me have this really weird friendship. We are sworn enemies, critics of each other, even then we have this real special bond of friendship that binds us together.  Frankly, i have no words to really define or even try to explain this friendship, maybe just.. what-would-i-really-do-without-u dear mr jess-a-mess!

And after a bout of crying and sharing some woes just 5 mins back.. just wanna tell u man.. ur the best! Thanks so much for everything! Even the ‘mature’ insights ...:) 

What makes me feel like..me!

The breeze ruffled in my hair

The green grass,

The beautiful flowers

Sight of which will always awe

Sunsets that i saw

Birds that silence the stars

Doors, that i hate ajar.

Clothes that i hardly discard,

Smiles, that always reward,

Small things that leave me aghast!

Exceptional days, a  blast,

That one thing.. sigh! alas!

The God i love,

Who watches over me,

My own sense of creativity,

day dreams,

Some pain, some empathy,

Lots of love,

Shared with plenty

My kids- my sensibility,

I am naturally contradictory,

Like the short lived flowers,

Lasting long in memory.

Even poetry, if it may so be called,

My people- my world,

The kid within me

Even as i grow old,

Certain secrets, which shall

Forever remain untold,

My hands- always cold,

Acc to my mum, am rather bold,

Laughter,  on which am sold,

Illusions, plenty i hold.

Life, that i intend to mould,

The distant look, in my eyes i behold,

Future that i would rather unfold,

Hearts-that i once stole.:)

Of the many more,

There could be a sea.

These are Just, a few things

 that make me feel like... me.

Would it?

Would life be this interesting

If it was not this complicated?

Without all the intermeshing,

Would there be reasons plenty,

To be elated?

Would an untangled life

Bring on many smiles?

Or would it leave a mark

Of mundane, monotonous

Routine with no spark?

Would life really be interesting

If it was not complicated?

My sanity keepers... and Amrita...

My friends almost always astound and overwhelm me. They fly over the land of logic, and still love me. Though am sure its an amazing experience for them. But am still surprised, probably because am not the most punctual of friends to remember their birthdays, anniversaries, etc. One misplaced or damaged phone, and am out of the circuit! Am not the regular caller, message sender, chatter kinds, am no where close to being on facebook too! Or maybe, am not as bad as some others!

So basically, my friends flabbergast me. Primarily because my pals have been mine since ages, since the awkward adolescent times! They are usually angry at me, but i just so love all of them! There is an extremely choicest of group i have, from school, college and neighbourly days! Almost all in weird diverse fields, think except mrit and me, all settled too! We are the ‘free lunchers’! but despite the differences and the distances, i always feel so connected to each of them! And i do wonder how!

I know they are always there for me, in their offices, labs, classrooms, academies  and even home! They all don’t like to live a life as boring as mine, and half of them can never get the hang of what am doing in life, more importantly, why! But they still do lovingly bear with me, laugh with me; at me; know my secrets before i tell them, and surround me with sanity and love all the time! Just knowing that they are there, somewhere!, is enough to calm my nerves.

My friends are the best people on this earth. And i cannot, but thank God for sending all His beautiful angels, just for me!

God bless them all.

And then of course, there is mrita.. don’t know if i should call her a friend or a sister, a sibling who wasn’t born to be mine, but over the years have undoubtedly taken that place for good.  We are citizens of different countries, wish to pursue different professions, have lived away and far from each other for more yrs than we lived in the same city, meet up maybe once in a year (but never on birthdays; and i mess up her birth date too!) and grow each day as different people than what we were once.

But, the best, and also the most surprising part is, that we have been each others support system, anchor, avowed critic and in simple words, best friends for all these many years. Even if that entailed long periods of absence (telephonically, physically, and even internetly), we stuck by! Thank God and touch wood!

Some 12 yrs back (i know! its really been that long!) we met each other, when i was this new student at our school. I had something to share and she seemed to have the most docile face to share ‘secrets’ with! Long incessant, parents troubling phone calls only followed in the following years. We strengthened our bond of friendship, seeing through the many (at that time) breakable and unbreakable moments. Cried, laughed, smuggled, lied, giggled, partied, didnot smoke or drink together! we knew without being told, finished each others sentences, talked through our looks, shared clothes, thoughts and experiences; even when we ended up being in different schools and sections!

She has been a patient victim to so many of my armature poems, has intruded on my letters, settled my disputes, disagreed with me, but never judged me. She has only loved me through all this time, and so have and do I.

Knowing amrita all this time has taught me a lot. She is this impatient angel, who really is America smart! She is this mature, worldy wise woman who always just has the right thing to tell you, have a conversation to make even when there is nothing to talk, and trust me, i have never seen or heard her shout! She is this epitome of sanity, without whom my life sure would be a chaos!

But this angel has her American side effects too, which i have either learnt to ignore or accept. But i think I rather not dwell on that!

Adjusting and growing to like these new people we turned out to be over the years was not a breeze! But don’t know how or why we managed. We never vowed to be each others best pals, but chose it for our ownselves.  And I am only glad that we did and have, for living a life without her, is impossible for me!

love you so much!:)

Still I Rise- Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise.  Maya Angelou (and who could have said it better!)

Sister Annie

This is something that started off as a letter, and ended up being a poem. I dont know on what address to send it, yet, that is. And so its here!

There is a lady i know,

None other can be so,

Giving, forgiving, Loving, caring,

Opinionated and strong,

Seldom going wrong.

She surrendered herself to her God,

Worships Him in her every breath,

Remembers Him at every test.

A pillar of strength herself,

Willing to come and forever help.

I admire you, Sister Annie,

and love you, so.

You have been like a mother,

A friend, a confidant,

A healer, a teacher,

And so much more.

You believed in me

and my abilities.

You showed me a path of life,

I was completely unaware of .

You  gave me the courage, 

To love the poor, the needy.

You made me grow fat, Sister, insisting that i eat!

You have been, are and always will,

A profound influence in my life.

I could sit and chat with you

for hours, without strife.

Your sweet voice to me 

Was like a cooling medicine,

For so many of my undisclosed tensions.

A dialogue with you soothed and calmed me.

It was almost like spirituality.

I could so connect with you, instantly.

Now that ur gone,

I miss you humongously.

The wonderful times,

The simple life,

An ocean of love,

Where everyone could dive.

I wish one day,

I can do as much for you,

As you have

By simply being you!

A boring boring sunday!

Yesterday turned out to be a rather boring Sunday. It happened to be mischief’s birthday(my dog), that is, the day she turned our home into hers. But the poor girl nursed an upset tummy. So no cake, no coke! Ate just bread and milk and as she celebrates each day, slept through and through her birthday too! (though she bothered to sport a nice bow and wanted to go all Indian with a bindi on her forehead! But changed her mind half way through.)

As for me, no celebrations,  work that i didn’t want to do, no deadlines to keep pace with, no shopping as was planned, rain, nothing great to eat, a walk on the same path, same old magazines, not even tired, not even sleepy and even missed mrits call in the morning!

The day was apparently so uneventful, that i have nothing more to write about it! The wind didn’t blow, no one to converse with, even hee-man was missing, experiencing romantic stories somewhere! Huh!

Uff! And no wuff! The dogs though were busy, handing over friendship bands to each other. Lucas a.k.a Ruff and his sister Bubbles( who looks like a deflated version of a bubble!) befriend my Mischief and their neighbour Sherry. Poor chap Lucas was so embarrassed at holding out a hand of friendship to two girls, that he instantly insisted on being rushed home, before his mates caught him in the act! Aww... he’s a darling!  

But, since i was not Lucas’ object of friendship, personally, such days can be quite a nightmare. But looking at the brighter side, I think they should come once in a while. It reminds one of how blissful it is to be busy. How not to crib about the awfully tiring days and happily smile at them wen they come!!

 No wonder they say, busy is easy, and busier is easier.