Driving past Prayaas, an organisation that works for the specially abled children, i was reminded of the time, years back, when my life took a turn and landed me there. Abrupt, clueless, lost and raw, i went there searching for myself; to heal and be revealed. I was scared, as any unsure, beaten 19 year old would be, of an unknown path that she was about to take. Or the unknown path that life was to take her on.
I met the lady in charge of the place. She was a friend of my mom, and so the contact. She took me around and showed me the place. And then she left me to discover what i wanted to do. the battle had begun. Everyday, the naive me would take the pains of travelling in buses with unknown routes, having the knack of catching all the wrong ones, and then be shouted upon by conductors. They left me at all random parts of Chandigarh after hours of touring. From there i would figure out how to reach Prayaas. The heat of the summer wasn’t particularly kind, it, infact, was at its peak. Sweltering long rides, long sweaty walks on the roads, and tiring fights with the Rickshaw wallas. All to reach prayaas.
There too, i moved from one room to the other. Only in the hope of finding a way of helping the kids who came there, and not just sit and watch while the experts helped them. i felt helpless, but still thankful for the way God made me. but the need to fruitfully do something for someone was just getting to a frustrating end. After a couple of visits and many many hours spent, i was mulling over the idea of calling it quits, and think of another course of action.
Don’t know if it was the same day or later, but yes, surely the day i decided to stop my visits to Prayaas. I walked in a corner class room, for tiny kids, suffering from a mental disorder i donot remember now. there i saw a lil girl, Tanvi was her name. She was hairy, sweaty, with a sleeping eye, and no sense of self. She was almost neglected by her parents, an unwanted being in the house. I talked to her, called out her name, and for the first time since she came to prayaas, (as her teachers told me) she looked up in response, and gave me a big toothy smile.
Within seconds, the smile had vanished and the lost look and repetitive behaviour back. this is way before the surprise of her teachers and their narration of the same to me, and my realising of how big a thing it was for tanvi to react that way, could be assimilated.
But it was that one big toothy smile, that changed my perspective in life. It gave me hope. It was for tanvi that i kept going back. She made me visit her, and talk to her, look at her and pray for her, for that smile to flash again. But it didn’t. That similar moment never came back. But that smile of a few seconds, has lasted me many years. It marked the beginning of many things iv done and shall do in my life.
I stopped going to Prayaas when Tanvi’s family stopped sending her there anymore. I don’t know what became of her. How she is, and how big shes grown. Its been many years now.
There were a lot of things and places i visited after Prayaas. Places, the names of which I donot even remember now. Pankaj, a friend, who got married the same day I crossed Prayaas the other day, helped me so much! I remember going with him to a school in Mohali for differently abled children, who have boarding facilities for them and were doing so much for them. another place in Karuna Sadan, where we saw how beautifully they were vocationally training these children. We toyed with many ideas for them, but nothing really worked out i guess. Maybe cz sometime later, cant place exactly when, i was to meet my kids. a bubbling household of a family of children. i never realised then, how they would dictate my life. I never realised then, the impact that one decision, to stop in my track, turn back, and walk to enquire from Sisters, whom I called ma’am then, about what this children’s home was about, would have on my life.
But my today, is to Tanvi Modi, who taught me what a smile can mean.
